PUBLISHED  'OT  , 


I 

t 

-S-Ji 


No.  9 MU^il  AY  STREET,  NEW  ZE 

7j— — 

Fride,  15  Oents  Si^3j  ^ 


Advice  Gratis. 

Afloa:  and  Ashore.  ■ 

a All’s  Fair  in  Love  and  War, 
All  lu  Der  Family. 

Alladdin  and  the  Wonderful 

A^6n*y  and  Cleopatra  Mar« 
l ied  and  Settled. 

.AvSlf  rif>  Que^ious. 

An  nt  Dinah’s  P ledge. 

Babes  in  the  Wood/The, 
Bachelor’s  Bed-rooitb  The- 

Bad. Temper,  A^-, 

BaililPs  Danish  ter.  The, 
Beauty  and  the. Beast. 
Betsy’s  Profile; 

Big  Banana,. The. 

Black  CrookVB’rrle6<iue. 

Blue  Beard.;, 

Boarding  Scftopl,  The.  /■ 
Bric-a  Brao.  - 
Broken  Promises, 

Broken  Seal;  The.’ 

^,Cabm  BoyvX-he,  ; ;• 

TTnri  11 A . 


Camille. 

Carried  by  Assat^U.  J 

Caste.  n 

Caught  in  hie-Owti  Toils. 
"teChanipagne.'  , rr^ 

T C h i3fh  g el  i nfiis  (The) ; or, 
W hSoh  is  Wmch.t 
■■Chaiity.' 

Child  of 
Cinderella. 

Clancarty  , 

Closing  of  The  VEagle,”  The.- 
, Comedy  of  Errors,  DUrlesque*'  v 
Cousiu  Florenjie- 
Cousin,  to  Them  All, 

(iCross  Purposes.  > 

-Crumpled  RoseJUeaf- A 
Cure  for  Coqitettes;  A 
Dancing  Bafber,  The . 

Dark  Deeds. 


DB'chman  in  Ireland, 

V'JiJt  dbie  Situation,  An. 

,^airy  Freaks. 

dly  Pictures; 

'""--lily  Pride.  , 
#Faiqiry7The., . 

ife'.-The'!  ^ 

Fif  .ten  Years  of  a .Drunk- 
d^s  iJre. 

eside  Dip IbrnKtey  . 

; i-  or,  M^SDhug  h- 
t.er'sDow^jf/  ' 

FiW  Prince,. y he.  ^ 

F nyts  ofthe  Wine-Qup', 
'Eqipiished  Apart merifs.  : 

Qa^ielle  de  JBe.lle  Isle;. 
aintoM Btiliards,  A, 
#r.plff^an  Am  L A. 
^ttmiup^lfi  'the  wbi^d.  . 
,C>i4ls^1|the  Period,  The. 
G<Sa^^rough  Him. 
GAllpIllariing, 

Q^iMare;  A.  . ’ 

Grerd  a ifivai,  The.  , .r, 

- r * fetern,  The.  ' “•  '■ 
'Hamlet  Ae  Dainty. - ■ 

dlAw  7 l>ispat(jhi  The,  " - . 
H|f'fe(j^|i1|Little  RgdTUding 

Harvest  StOTihiiihfe. . 
,Ha^^i%lugrdn.^A. 

di,ai.l  fi  #fe.  .1 
' Hop  pQ  % luon.  The.  . . 
■How  x^lliJlAccoiuaJts  With  | 
:^VYeurT^iuhdTess.; 

; Hurrah dCff  Paris  ! 

I’P  TeU  Your  Wife 
jl  X^o-iuf^Your.  Wife, 
thgomar,,.,'  . 

, ^ III  human  . ; , 
i ipiiliish  D’tagobn.  -f 
IIS^  Engagfemdht^An. 


Da  rk  N oigh  t’s  Bukineal,  J J a ;T%e  Giant  Kiefer 

A)awnef  Love,  The.  ' ^ J^Ws  theLad.  '• 
Decree  of  Divorce,  The.  -r  - 

Deeds  of  D^-eixdful  Note 


runkard  to 


Juliet Love  Letter. 
tlMffine  and.^P«trucl|iQ:> 

le.i^  - ' i 

rop,  The. 

I4rt  Xaly,  The. 

La  r Allows  it,  The 

S-lle  Mistake,  A. 

Those  Lau^  Who  Win. 
arick  Boy,  The,  (Paddy 
Miefe’ Boy)i. 

Little  ^ed  Ridiai^  Hood, 


on; 


Pt 


Lusi 


Lovt 


>ee()u^ 


1 


Love 


ucy 


PT^inary 
1 L ver, 
sriti  .oomer. 


Ljrrict 

Mad,.f 


mnsie.  i 7 

MarrifdW  Jaws,  23ie.'‘ 
Mariy.  I* 
at  ,r 

Mas<imfe^li=  f ferine. 

b t nof  Mi^ 


Mazepi  i, . hi; llesqu^t 
Medics^  Mr  .A  ^ 


Medici 


The 


Misesrtes  ^ 
Money  x:  aS 
Mohsign  B 
MoTb  f&ial 

'Mrs.  Sir  ;W 


man 


i M 


Mil  -Uie  oiikey,' 
My  ’’n  id  ui  -liie  Sir 
• i^^iius  ' Jatsyr” 


lii  :liie  StraT.^ 

IWThi 


Myi 


Oil, 


One 


Our 


Our 


i.r.  pow®.  . r J 

Pos^OT,  A. 

1 Cork' 
i^Bmchmaiu 


Out 


Peculiar 


A OOIXKCTIOlf  or 


ETHIOPIAN  DRAMAS,  FARCES,  INTERLUDES,  BURLESQUE  OPERAS, 
ECCENTRICITIES.  EXTRAVAGANZAS.  COMICALITIES, 
WHIMSICALITIES,  Etc..  Etc., 


AS  FIAYXD  BT  THE  PBINOIPAZi  *'BUBMT  COBS’*  PBBFORMXBS  AU 
OVER  THE  UNION. 


PART  ONE 


NEW  YOEK: 

HAPPY  HOUES  COMPANY, 


No.  1 Chambers  Stbbst. 


C0N3.’ENTS  OF 


r's?  Part  One. 


Deaf— In  a Horn.  Ethiopian  Sketch,  for  eight  characters. 
Desdemonom.  Ethiopian  Burlesque,  for  seven  characters. 

De  Trouble  Begins  at  Nine.  Ethiopian  Act,  for  two  characters. 
Challenge  Dance.  Ethiopian  Interlude,*  for  three  characters. 
Mishaps  op  C-esae  Crum.  Ethiopian  Farce,  for  five  characters. 
New  Year’s  Calls.  Ethiopian  Farce,  for  six  characters. 
Nobodx’s  Son.  Ethiopian  Act,  for  two  characters. 

SciPio  Apeicanus.  Ethiopian  Extravaganza,  for  four  characters. 
Scenes  at  Gurnet’s.  (Scenes  in  the  Studio).  Ethiopian  Act, 


three  characters. 

16,000  Years  Ago.  Ethiopian  Act;  for  three  characters.  i . 

JI  ancing  Mab.  Ethiopian  Eccentricity,  for  seven  characters. 


EAF-m  A HORN, 


AN  ETHIOPIAN  SKETCH 

IN  ONE  ACT, 

FOR  BANJOIST  AND  MOCK  BANJO  (“  BONES.’O 

AS  PEaFOBMED  AT 

MAGUIRE’S  OPERA  HOUSE  SAN  FRANCISCO, 
CALIFORNIA,  1865. 


NEW  YOBK: 
HAPPY  HOURS 

No.  6 BEEEHAN  STREE 


f 


CHARACTERS. — “ Deaf— in  a Horn.” 

Young  Orfeetts . . Bijlly  Birch»; 

Plato  White  [A  Dandy  Field  Hand,^ 


COSTUMES.  ‘H 

- i 

Young  Orfeeus^. — Page’s  suit  of  sky  blue,  tight — ^big  bell  but^' 
tons  on  jacket,  the  sleeves  of  which  are  much  too  short — legs  of 
pantaloons  too  short — striped  stockings — ankle  boots — short 
cross  wig.  ^ He  is  very  boyish  in  his  actions,  and  sharp  and  quick 
in  speech  ; after  the  assumed  deafness  is  thrown  off— red  imder- 
jacket. 

Plato. — White  pantaloons,  tight  in  the  h:*gs,  and  with  broad 
extravagant  stripes,  flashy  barred  or  flowered  waistcoat  too  large 
for  him,  and  a large  handkerchief  or  muffler  in  the  half  open 
bosom — bright  colored  cravat,  with  loose  ends,  passed  through 
a curtain  ring  where  it  ties — old  fashioned  white  beaver  or  wool 
hat,  with  the  nap  rubbed  the  wrong  way,  worn  on  one  side  of 
the  head — wdg,  the  wool  rather  long,  and  dressed  fancifully — one 
glove,  white.  Banjo  to  play.  He  is  very  consequential,  and 
mouths  long  words  for  effect.  ^ 


PROPERTIES. 

Two  chairs — mock  banjo,  the  handle  separate  from  the  othe* 
part — a large  valise,  or  carpet  bag,  to  hold  the  mock  banjoy^ 
arge  tin  horn,  in  a bag. 


SCENE. 

An  Interior  j door  R.  and  l.,  to  open  and  shut, — ^Time  of 
representation — ten  minutes. 


DEAF-m  A HOEN. 


Enter  Plato  Wiite,  l.,  ylayimj  on  hanjo^  drayrjing  a chair  to 

L.  c,  front. 

Plato  Well,  well,  de  ole  house  begins  to  look  a little  conifoTt- 
able  since  de  broker’s  man  come  for  de  tables  and  parlor  chairs. 
\ Tries  if  chair  xoill  hear  Am.]  I’se  got  to  be  cautious  ob  dis 
furniture,  tain’t  insured.  \Sits  dawn  after  dnsting  chair  xcith 
coat  tail — 2)la'ys  a few  chords  unsteadily Dis  won’t  do  nohow. 
De  fac’  is  my  narvous  cistern  is  so  shaken  wid  de  bills  dat  cum 
in  when  I didn’t  hab  a bob,  dat  de  least  lilly  bit  of  sound  startles 
me  [About  to  play.  Knock  r. — jumps — looks  aroxmd.  | Oh,  wha 
— what  w'as  dat  1 [Knock  r.  loxuler.]  Oh  ! come  in  ! [Knock 
R.  mxich  loxider.]  Bimeby  dey’ll  have  de  door  down.  [Roars  out.'\ 
Come  in.  [Knock  r.  very  loud^  xoith  a kick  at  the  same  thne — 
PhKTo  jumps  up.\  Guess  dar’s  a new  railroad  started  through 
tiy  premises  ! [Crosses  to  r.]  Co-o-me  in,  whoever  y’are  1 

[Knock  begins  at  r.  when  Plato  opens  ity  and  Orfeeus  hits  him, 
instead  of  the  door. — V-lkto  siezes  Orfeeus  by  the  collar,  and 
drags  him  to  c. — Orfeeus,  xoho  is  holding  his  bag  in  one  hand 
and  his  cap  and  banjo  handle  in  the  other,  falls  over  chair,  l.  c. 
frmit,  and  spreads  himself  on  stage.} 

Pluto  [Brings  a chair  f rom  r.  to  c.,  picks  xip  Orfeeus,  shakes 
him.\  I said,  Come  in ! why  didn’t  you  come  in  before?  Was 
that  you  t.haCs  been  a-hammering  round  de  house  all  dis 
? [Shaking  h m 


4"'  - , : DEAF— m A fiOSJjr., 

4a4Lwi'^'  ■-'  ■ ■ ' ■ ■ - ■ . . . 

lOKTk^^Awhilt}  Vlatq, shakes  him,  pich  np  hh  hag,  and 
hp^;^CBpty  astonished  & 'Ills- re(xptio'L\ 

Plato  \Lef^  39^^^ him. T(lay,  what  ails  you?  you  look  all  of 
a heap,  , doton  in  i.,  chair  of  two  c.  front. 

PQrfeeus  R.  chair,  stupefied  look. 

-You  had  better  sit  down.  \Tunes  his  hanjo — pa^m — 
loojii  up.\  Sit  down,  I say  !.  \Geis  up,  andp)ulls  Orfeeus  in  front 
of  chair,  and  pushes  Mm  down  into  it.'\  Now,  then!  \Takes  his 
mon  9eat.\  ‘^V'hat’s  your  business  ? 

Orfeeus  stares  straight  before  him. 

Plato  What’s,  your  business,  I say  ? What  do  you  want  ? 

\ Claps  OR’TEEVS-on  the  shoulder. 

[Orfeeus  starts,  drojjs  Ms  hag  from  right  hand,  and  his  cap  and 
havjodiandle  from  left  hand.] 

Platons  foot  is  hit  by  the  banjo-handle.  In  a howl.]  What — do 
— you — ^wa— -a — ant  ? 

[Orfeeus  slowly  bends-doicn  to  his  right,  opens  bag  with  large  key 
in  it,  talifis  out  hoim,  and  applies  it  to  his  left  ear— -all  very 
slotcly  and  gravely.] 

Plato  [Is  amazed — then  puts  Ms  mouth  to  horn.]  I say,  what  do 
you  want  here  ? 

Orfeom  Yes  •,  [Putting  horn  into  bag.]  I can’t  hear. 

[Stares  before  Mm. 

Plato  No,  no.  What  is  it  you’re  come  for  ? 

[Slaps  Orfeeus’s  shoulder. 
Orfeeus  starts. 

^Plato  [Makes  sign.]  Oh,  put  up  that  machinery  of  yours. 
S'^^TtFEEus  [Same  btisiness  as  before,  takes  horn  from  bag,  and 
appLig^it  to  Ms  ear. 

Plat4i^  ^^ve  goes  for  de  fog-signal ! [3Iouth  to  horn.]  I ^v^ant  to 
kuow  wli?5:  i^^^u’re  come  for  ? 

Orfeeus  [P^Ji^ig  back  the  horiu]  Yes,  my  mudder  sent  me. 
Plato  Oh,  yout  mudder  sent  you?  Why  who’s  your — oh! 
twlrknly.]  You’re  young  Orfeeus  Skeevendick,  then,  what’s 
f,.ome  for  to  take  lessons  of  me  ? Your  mudder  told  me  about 


i»n.\F-TN  A noR^r. 


you  being  an  intellontiligent  jx^opil.  ( Examinta  Oi 
bright  S})ccimen  of ’orniiliology  you  are,  I’ll  bet.  Wl^u 
sing  I 

[Orfeeus  looking  vacantly  hef ore  Ui^ 
Plato  [Impatient^  nearly  knocks  Orfeeus  over  with  a shove, \ 1 
avsk  you,  can  you — oh,  put  np  that  trumpet  ag’in ! 

IOrfeeus  takes  horn  from  hag^  and  applies  it  to  his  ear,  ^ 
Plato  Can  you  sing  ? 

Orfeeus  Yes. 

Plato  Ah,  that’s  better.  What’s  your  voice,  high  or  low? 
Orfeeus  Yes,  I’ve  brought  my  banjo. 

horn  in  hag.  Takes  frmii  hag  the  drum  part  of  a hanjo  and 
screws  handle  to  it. 


I 

c 


Plato  \La,nghs:\  So,  you  can  sing?  What  notes  are  you  best 
on? 


[Orfeeus  puis  horn  to  ear. — Plato  repeats. 

Orfeeus  Oh,  yes.  I’ve  got  my  red  vest  on. 

Plato  No,  no,  who  was  ’squiring  ’bout  your  wardrobe  T What’s 
your  favorites  in  the  gamut ; A,  B,  or  C ? 

Orfeeus  Yes,  D,  E,  F ! 

Plato  I believe  that  much  from  you.  [ Impatiently.]  Keep  up 
dat  horn ! But  how  are  you  going  to  learn  any  think,  and  can’t 
hear  a word  I say  ? 

Orfeeus  Yes.  Mudder  says  she  ain’t  going  to  pay  ! Y'ou’re  to 
take  it  out  in  ironing  and  mangling.  [Puts  down  ho7'n. 

Plato  We  know  all  about  dat.  But  how  can  you  get  on  when 
you  can’t  hear?  I offen  see  moosical  fokes  wid  horns  to  deir 
moufs,  but  horns  to  deir  ears  is  original ! [Aside^  watching 
Orfeeus,  who  pays  him  no  attention.]  But  now  I come  to  think 
of  it — I saw  dis  same  boy  ’mong  a flock  of  odder  young  kids  and 
he  was  getting  along  pretty  well.  I’ll  try  him  ! [Lays  his  I 
L.  oj  him — aloud.]  W ell,  I’m  sorry,  Orfeeus,  but  I don’t  thi 
can  teach  you  anything.  [P^'^es  leisurely  j — in  a quiet.,  nai cl 
voice.]  ’Tain’t  no  fault  of  your’n,  o’  coui-se,  and  so,  as  I’m 
dowjQ  the  street,  s’pose  you  come  along  and  have  a drink  i 


DEAP— IN  A HORN. 


‘■-A:. 


Orfeeus  hursts  into  a pml  of  laughter ^hut  as  Plato  looks  severe^ 

and  advances^  he  lets  the  laugh  die  away^  and  retreats  to  n. 

fronL  ' 

Plato  [FolloiDS  Orfeeus  to  r,  savagely »\  How  dare  you  play 
sudi  a trick  on  a genbleman  ? 

Orfeetis  [Looking  around.']  I don’t  see  no  genbleman ! 

Plato  [Brags  Orfeeus  to  c.J  I’ve  a great  good  mind  to  pull 
your  ears ! 

Orfeeus  Don’t ! Your’n  look’s  if  you’d  got  perfec’  in  practice  ! 
[Makes  a sudden  dive  for  his  cap^  hut  Plato  hr  mgs  down  Ms  foot 

near  it^  and  Orfeeus  pretends  he  did  not  mean  to  pick  it  iip. 

Plato  Come,  now,  will  you  behove  yourself,  and  take  your 
lessons  properly  if  I let  you  off  dis  time  ? [Seated  as  before. 

Orfeeus  Oh,  yes  1 sartin  true,  black  and  blue ! [ Takes  seat  as 
hefo7'e.]  Ha,  ha ! I knew  I could  fool  ye  ! 

Plato  [Playing  hanjo,']  No  more  foolin’,  anyhow.  Do  you 
know  the  scale  ? 

Orfeeus  Yes.  Lots  of  ’em  at  the  fishmonger’s ! 

Plato  I don’t  mean  that ! Can  you  run  the  gamut  ? 

Orfeeus  Oh,  yes,  unless  he’s  too  fast  for  me. 

Plato  i Vexed.  | What’s  your  compass  ? 

Orfeeus  I ain’t  got  no  compass ! De  ole  man  has,  though  5 he’s 
a merino. 

Plato  A what  ? 

Orfeeus  A merino — on  a coal -barge! 

Plato  Oh,  a mariner ! I don’t  mean  a sailor’s  compass. 

Orfeeus  Oh  I 

1 kUo  I mean  the  compass  of  your  woice.  Arc  your  notes  hi 
H est  good  ? 

0//'  Iff  I oii’y  had  one  note  in  my  chest,  and  that’s  so  bad 
that  tiue  ■ • won’t  take  it.  [Pretending  to  tune  his  m.ock  hnvjo. 

Plato  [U  rpp'iig  his  pretended  tv/iiing,]  I ain’t  talking  of  tne 
money  article,  l.et’s  hoar  you  sing ! 

Orfetm  Horn,  hem  ; what’ll  1 sing  1 


HKAP— IN  A HORN 


flato  Qi,  finytliirif:;  you  like. 

Qrfmis  \S1iakia  hi 3 head.]  I xisec]  to  know  “ Soi.  1‘ing  to 
Love,”  l)ut  I never  liocrd  on  “Anything  you  Like.” 

Plato  AVell,  rii  stiirt  you.  [Chord  or  t\co.\  All  you’ve  g- 
do  is  to  join  in  the  chorus. 

(OiiFEF.us  prste7ids  to  play  very  €xtravagantly,  Pijvto  pin- 
and  sings.] 

Sally  is  the  Gal  for  Me  I 

When  I am  in  the  weaving  way 
I spends  my  money  free, 

I makes  the  cash  and  cuts  the  dash— 

Oh,  Sally  is  the  gal  for  me! 

Chorus. 

Oh,  Sally  is  the  gal  for  me ! 

Plato  [Pepeais  chorus^  then.]  Why  don’t  you  come  in  1 

[Orfeeus  timis  in  his  chair,  and  looks  toward  door. 
Plato  Why  don’t  you  come  in  ? 

Orfeeus  I didn’t  hear  nobody  knock. 

Plato  Knock?  who — what? 

Orfeeus  You  just  tol’  somebody  to  come  in  ! 

Plato  Get  out.  [Orfeeus  rises,]  Sit  down  ! [Moves  Orpeeus’s 
chair. 

[Orfeeus  falls  in  sitting,  and.,  in  falling,  kicks  away  Plato’s 
cliair-^PhXTO  has  half  risen,  laughing,  when,  in  sitting  doicn, 
he  falls. — Picture  of  the  two  sitting  on  the  flom'  beside  one  ano- 
ther,  looking  at  one  another. 

Plato  [Gets  up.]  Why,  what’s  up  ? 

Orfeeus  [Rising.]  I was  till  you  pulled  me  down ! 

Plato  Who  told  you  to  lelF  3'-our  chair  ? 

Orfeeus  You — ^you  told  me  to  get  out!  [Picks  up  his  banjo 
and  resumes  his  seat — examines  his  banjo.]  I mos’  think  dar’s 
some  ob  de  bones  broke. 

Plato  [Tuning  up.]  1 mean — now,  look  y’ah ! All  you  got  to 
do  is  to  come  iu  on  de  chorus.  I say,  “ cuts  a dash ! ’’—you  say, 
‘‘Oh,  Sally  is  de  Gal  for  Me  1 ” first  time.  Nex’  time  you  rei^at 
it  twice’t — d’you  see  ? 


deaf— IN  A HORN. 


K 


Orfi&S  Ob,  yes,  I see.  Sally  is  de  gal  fur  Me !” 

\ plays  and  sings  as  'b€f)re.  At  cuts  a dash 

Orfbei’^.,  haa  ^em  pretending  to  2>l(^y  cdl  the  time^  shouts  out: 
“Ob,  Sally  is  <ie  Gal  for  me,  first  time  !”  \ Playing. 


fPiiATO,  the  of  his  patience^  pushes  Orfeeus  sideways. 
ORFFEVs/a^/^,  sinking  the  floor  loudly  with  his  hanjo^  to  hreah 
it.  Plato  throws  his  chair  over  on  Orfeeus,  and  piles  two 
others  on  him.  Exit  l. 


Oif sens  \Rises  sloroly  and  picks  up  his  hag^  hanJOj  ^c.  Then 
pointing  to  the  chairs,  laughs.]  I guess — guess-y-guess  it’s  all 
yigbt  J -I  got  three  cheek's  anyhow.  \Exit  r. 


THE  SNO» 


-> 


DESDEMONL’M.'N 


AK  ETHIOPIAN  BUTiLESQUE, 


IN  THREE  SCENES. 


NEW  YORK; 

HAPPY  HOURS  COMPANY. 

No.  1 CHAMBERS  STREET. 


o -■•-.nc 


jii' 


DBSDBMOI^UM. 


CHARACTERS, 

OXELLEII. 

Iagusi. 

CaSHUM.  I' 

Eoderigum. 
Brabantium. 
Judge, 

Desdemonum. 

Musicians,  Officers,'  &c.,  &c. 


COSTITMES. 

Burlesque  costumes  of  Othello. 


PBOPEKTIES.  . 

Tamborine — Banjo — ^Bope — Ladder — Doca*  bell,  to  ring  outside — 
Judge’s  bench,  railing  and  wdtness  box  for  Beene  II.-— Sofa — Cushions 
— % chairs — Bagger — Handkerchief. 


Entered  ^cording  to  <ft?dongress  in  the  year  1874,  by  HappV  Hours 
^ . lo  the  oflicc  of  die  Librarian  of  Congress  at  Washington. 


DESDEMONUM, 


Scene  I,  j4.  Stveet  iu  Souse  of  JBvcibciTitiv/Tn^ 

with  practical  window^  r.h.  Night, 


Enter  Oteller,  l.,  with  tamborine^  and  musicians^  who  ser 
enade  and  retire. 

Duet. 

Otel.  Wake,  Desdemouum,  see  de  risin’  moon, 
Ebrybody’s  snorin’,  nightingale’s  in  tune  ; 

Trow  aside  your  lattice,  show  your  lubly  phiz  ; 
Sing  a song  of  welcome,  while  I go  troo  my  biz 

Des,  (^At  casement,)— 

’Tel,  my  duck,  I hear  you ; daddy’s  gone  to  bed. 
Fotch  along  your  ladderum,  I’m  de  gal  to  wed  ! 

Since  burnt-cork  am  de* fashion,  I’ll  not  be  behind — 
I’ll  see  Oteller’s  wisage  in  his  highfalutin’  mind. 


Both, 


( Otel. 
embrace. 


De  hour  am  propitious — come,  my  darlin^  flame! 
Dey  say  dat  in  de  dark  all  cullers  am  de  same. 
throius  her  a rope  ladder.  She  descends.  They 


Air. 


Desdemouum, 

When  my  soldier  returns,  full  ob  fame  from  de  wars, 
All  cubbered  wid  honor  and  glory  and  scars, 

-Den  how  happy  I feel,  and  his  arms  round  me  steal, 
Arad  as  I feel  his  kisses  my  brains  fairly  reel. 

Air. 

Oteller, 

Now  sheathM  be  my  sword, 

And  to  beauty 
Let  duty,  let  duty  gib  way. 

^S^ake  de  laurel  from  my*  brow, 

Wreathe  it  round  wid  roses  now, 

And  luft’s  go  before  de  priest  widout  delay. 

They  dance  off  l. 

B'ODErigum  and  Iagum  steal  on  r. 

Iagum,  What’s  de  matter,  Rodereegum.^ 

Got  de  mulligrub  ? 

1^  jjLook  so  pale  about  de  gills, 

^ v^^uess  you  are  in  lub. 

IIP  ^ Hod.  She’s  gib  me  de  mitten, 

And  diseonsolate  I’m  gittin’ ; 

>"1-  Great  mind  Id  ^o  and  drown  myself 
8.  me  old  washing-tub. 

^ Iagum  Drowm  cats  and  blind  puppies  ! 

Cere’s  fish  ip  do  sea 


nFSDKMONUM. 


5 


Jn:«t  as  £roo(l  aa  any 
]n  (le. market  clat  be  ! 

BotL  {Producing  hanjo,)  Yet  one  more  dose  my  lu 

rilgib? 

Uf  clat  don’t  fotcli  her,  dam  if  I lib  ! (Sees  ladder. 

De  jig’s  lip  for  good — dat  ladder  tells  de  tale. 

lagum,  (Picks  up  Otel's  hat,)  It’s  dat  nigger  Oteller. 
Let’s  kick  up  a gale ! 

(Buigs  door-hell  fiercely^  while  Bod,  pounds.  Brahantium 
puts  head  out  of  ivindow. 

Bra,  Who  dat  makin’  fuss  dar  ? 

Bod.  Desdemomim’s  cut  her  stick. 

Bra.  Ring  de  bell  and  beat  de  gong, 

I’ll  make  Oteller  sick ! 

AIL  Ring  de  bell  and  beat  de  gong, 

Fetch  your  swords  an’  guns  along, 

While  I sing  a little  song — 

My  darter^s  cut  her  stick ! 

Scene  II. — The  CourUroom  at  the  Tombs.  Judge  on  the 
bench.  Crowd  standing  round.  Hum  of  voices. 

Judge.  Take  off  your  hats,  quit  buzzin’, 

Fetch  in  dat  bulky  nig  ; 

While  de  goose  am  cookin’, 

Guess  I’ll  dance  a jig.  (Dances  a breakdown. 

Enter  officers  with  Otel.,  Brabantium,  R. 

Judge.  Brabantium,  what’s  de  matter,  dat  you  look  so 
blue? 

Bra.  Dat  darky’s  stole  iny  darter,  but  de  act  Til  inafce 
him  rue. 


DfeSDEIttONUM. 


udgt.  To  this  what  says  Oteller? 

Judge,  de  fact  am  so  ; 

De  gal,  y6u  see^  got  struck  wid  me,  ^ 

And  would  to  parson  go,  ^ 

I ain’t  much  on  de  talk,  but  when  fightin’s  round  I’m  dere. 
Knock  de  chip  from  off  my  shoulder,  and  for  bloody  work 


prepare 


Bra,  He’vS  bewitched  her,  dafs  de  matter ; come  de 
Hoodoo  on  de  gal. 

He’s  played  de  black  art  on  her,  and  lagum  is  his  pal. 

Let  him  gub  me  back  my  darter,  gub  my  Desdy  back  to 


me, 

And  send  him  to  de  Island,  whar  such  fellers  ought  to  be. 
Judge,  We’ll  hear  de  girl’s  opinion.  See,  she  comes  dis 
way. 

Now,  Desdemonum,  what  you  got  to  say  ? 


Enter  Desdemonum,  r. 


Song.— Desbemonum. 


When  duty  calls,  de  wise  gib  ear— 
Dat  principle  I freely  own. 

My  husband’s  claim  in  law  holds  good. 
I owe  mv  faith  t^  him  alone. 


^ Bra,  To  dat  Jamaica  nig?  Why,  gal,  you’re  blind. 

2>6o,  I see  de  feller’s  wisage  in  liis  mind  ; 

^.•eauty’sJjrlt  skin  deep  anyhow,  you  know. 

e It' since  you’ve  done  de  mischief  you  kin  go  ; 
your  cjQ  peeled,  Moor,  nor  cuckold  be — ■ 

1 digged  bei^  old  daddy,  a-ud  may  .thee. 

V {Exeunt  severally^  li.  and  L. 


Scene  111. — .1  Chamher  in  ike  house  ' 

CHshionB^  two  chairs. 

Enter  Iagum,  k.,  with  a hand  her  chi 

lagum.  Now  for  de  iiex’  t’iug  ou  de  pe.ppergram. 

Dis  han’kerclnim  I fouu’  upon  de  stairs 
Oteller  gave  to  Desde.  Til  convey  it 
Straightway  to  Michael  Cashum.  Then  Oteller 
ril  painp  so  full  of  stories  heT  he  jealous. 

Sack  Mr.  Cashum,  and  I'll  git  his  place.  {Exit 

Enter  Otel.,  l.,  meeting  Desdemonum. 

Ees,  My  dear  Oteller,  dinner's  on  de  table. 

Otel,  {Aside,^  How  cool  she  takes  it.  Whar's  dat 
han'kerchuni  dat  an  Egyptian  to  my  mudder  gib  ? 

Des,  Bodder  de  han’kerchum  ; come,  git  your  hash, 

Otel,  De  hau’kerchum ! 

Des,  Your  hash,  I say,  is  ready. 

Otel,  ril  settle  Cashum's  hash.  You  gub  it  to  him. 
Jus'  now,  I seen  him  Avipe  his  mouf  wid  it, 

Des,  It's  no  such  t'ing  ! I drop  it  on  de  stairs. 

Otel,  Den  say  your  prayers  and  die.  De  han'kerchum  5 
De  han'kerchum!  [Draxos  her^  hivhing^  to  sofa. 

Song. — Desdemonum:. 

Good-bye,  husband  ; good-bye,  dad, 

To  go  off  this  way's  quite  too  bad. 

Let's  have  one  squall  before  1 slide, 

And  den  to  go  I’m  s;».tisfled! 

^ i!  ^niviaers  her  with  the  cushions, 
Otel,  Now,  coinc  la  all ; ■ 

For  one  last  look 


8 


DKSDEMOXUk. 


Ere  black  O toilet’s  like  is  took. 

Cashum.  Dere’s  some  foul  lie  been  goin’  round, 

Dis  ’kerchief  on  de  stairs  I found, 

And  used  it  but  my  nose  to  blow 

OteL  Den  dere’s  an  end  to  all  my  woe. 

Fiddlers,  scrape  ! and  fifers,  play ! 

For  here’s  the  deuce  and  all  to  pay ! 

(^Stahs  himself  and  falls  on  Desdemonum^ s hody.  The 
characters  join  hands  and  dance  around  them.  Steller  and 
Desdemonum  get  up  and  join  in.  Tableau. 


Curtain. 


];)E  trouble  Begins  a*  'Iink. 


J!lN  -A.CT 


FOR  BONES  AND  BANJOIST, 


AS  PLAXZD  AT 


-a:4:4:  JBRO-A.IDW-A.Y,  isTEW  YOiiK:  iseer^ 


NEW  TOEKt 

HAPPY  HOURS  company, 

K«..  J^S^BEEMAN  STREET* 


CHAllACTEIlS. — [De  Trouble  Beoins  at  Nine.] 


Professor  Quackinbosh .Lew  Simmons. 

Pphraim Charley  White. 


COSTUMES. 

Professor.— Long  white  coat,  with  large  buttons,  the  sleeves  very 
ragged,  and  tied  up  with  string  of  all  colors — plaid  waistcoat — 
striped  shirty  with  large  standing  collar — drab  breeches,  patched, 
coming  down  to  the  ankle— striped  grey  stockings — heavy  shoes, 
with  wooden  soles — ^very  much  battered  white  hat,  with  brim  and 
croym  loose,  and  held  on  by  string. 

Ephraim. — ^Tight-fitting  boy’s  jacket  and  trowserS  of  dark  blue,  with 
brass  buttons,  comic  patches — sleeves  of  jacket  too  short,  and  tight 
under  the  armpits — very  broad  white  turned-down  collar — close- 
curl  wig— cap  of  cloth — grey  stockings,  and  coarse  shoes. 


SCENE. 

An  Interior,  closed  in  r.  and  l.  (if  possible),  with  practicable  doors, 
R.  and  L.  1 E.,  and  c.  in  r. — a couple  of  rude  portraits  on  wall, 
crockery  on  shelves  painted,  &c.  If  a change  of  scene,  fasten  up 
a clothes-line  in  one  comer  up  stage,  and  hang  a pair  of  socks  and 
a holey  handkerchief  on  it.  ** 


PROPERTIES. 

A chair  l.  and  r.  front— bag  of  glass,  &c.,  ready  R.,  for  crash — bag  of 
glass,  &c.,  ready  L.,  for  breaking  v/indow  sound — a mock  banjo, 
with  head  of  paper  to  be  broken — handful  of  flour  ready  r.  1 b. 


DE  TROUBLE  BEGINS 


AT  NINE. 


Professor  QtACKiNBOSH,  with  shouldered,  bcmjo,  enters  leisurely,  r.  1 e.  d. 
to  0. , — looks  round,  takes  off  his  hat,  wipes  his  forehead  with  Mndkercliief . 
— crosses  to  l.  front,  and  brings  chairs  to  c. 


Professor  Let’  sot  down.  [Sits  down  in  one  chdir,  and  lays  his  banjo  on 
the  other  J\  Relaxavacation  arter  a long  day’s  work  at  de  &vibiime 
Study  of  whitewashing,  an'  de  sweeping  arguments  oh  carpet-shaking, 
am  a great  inwention.  If  I on'y  get  a few  hours'  quiet,  I’ll  prac- 
tize dat  new  song  dat  I mean  to  astonish  the  fokes  wid.  [Takes  banjo 
on  his  lap,  token  the  rags  of  his  coat-sleeue  pull  the  strings;  discovers  the  cause 
of  the  sound,  arid  ties  up  the  rent,  one  string  in  his  hand,  and  the  other  between, 
his  teeth,  as  he  draws  the  knot;  speaks  in  the  act']  Dis  coat  o’  mine  is 
gittin'  shaky  in  de  j’ints — it's  like  a wheat-etvin  among  de  tares  ! 
\Flourishes  his  arm^  Dat’s  all  right  for  anodder  monf— I mus’  buy 
new  apparel  by  nex'  Ape-r-il ! [Begins  to  play,  stops,  takes  off  his  hat, 
brushes  it  carefully,  and  sets  it  down  on  stage  left  side  of  him.]  It  won’t 
take  much  more  before  I’ll  be  started.  [Begins  to  play,  stops,  crosses 
one  leg  on  the  other,  plays,  stops,  changes  leg  for  leg,  plays  several  bars,  and 
finds  that  his  foot  is  swinging  to  the  time  ; ceases  to  play,  gradually,  hut  the 
foot  continues  to  swing ; he  lays  down  banjo  l.  of  him,  and  suddenly  clasps 
both  hands  on  his  knee,  which  steps  the  foot  Both  feet  on  the  ground;  takes 
up  banjo  with  faint  laugh  of  triumph,  begins  to  play,  evinces  uneasiness  in  Ids 
seat,  plays  nervously.  Still  playing,  rises  and  looks  down  at  seat  of  Ms  chair. 
Still  playing,  dusts  off  chair  with  coat-tail,  stps  across  the  chair,  and  sits 
down,  playing.  Displays  same  uneasiness,  turns  half  e.  , looks  at  other  chair, 
keeps  Ms  eye^s  fastemd  on  it,  lays  his  banjo  l.  of  Mm,  rises,  goes  around  Ultiiid 
R.  chair  to  r.  side  of  it,  bends  over  it,  picks  up  pin  on  it,  sticks  pin  in  left  sleeve, 
rises,  comes  behind  chairs,  triumphantly.]  I knowed  dar  was  a pin  some- 
! [Takes  seat  as  before,  takes  up  banjo,  strikes  chord.]  In  hopes 
hab  a time  at  las'.  [Playing,  Ms  banjo  handle  catches  his  coat,  and 
into  hde  in  it]  Bar ! ain’t  dat  tearable  ? I neber  cut  dis  coat  ob 
but  I t’ink  ob  de  house  rent.  Lucky  it’s  so  low,  on  account  cb 
de  great  mystery  bangin’  ober  it— de  Trouble  dat  begins  at  Nine ! 
Be  idea  of  ghosts  dat  go  rollin’  i^j^itit-casks  up  an'  down  de  sta’rs 
obery  night.  Golly,  it  am  inig'bty  ! I'm  on  niy 


4 


DE  TROUBi^E  BEGINS  kT  NINE.  ^ 

muckle  about  it ! Ef  it  comes  agin  111-—  [Bell  l.  is  str(0i  nine  timeSy 
— speaking  me  word  in  each  interval  between  HroTces.’]  I’ll — go — off — 
some — place — else—for — tO — play  ! Ey  ! [Rises  startled. — Knock  c.  n. 
in  F.]  I ain't  afeard,  but  it’sdrefful  !,  [Knock  b..  d. — turns  to  b. — 
knock  c.  D.  in  F. — turns  around — knock  l.  d.]  De  wisitation  comes  worry 
mild  to-night.  I tink  I must  inwestigate  dis  affair.  [Goes  up  c.  can- 
iioudy— crash  b.— jumps — turns.']  Muss  be  a strange  cat  dat's  intruding 
on  my  pre-mices.  to  r.]  Puss  I puss  ! pussy  I [Heavy  steps^  l. 

— turns  still  mare  alarmed.]  Dat  can't  be  de  cat,  'less  she’s  got  number 
seven  man’s  boots  on  ! [Crosses  to  l.  Laugh^  o.]  Dat  shows  dar’s  some 
laugh t^r-a-can  about ! [Goes  up  c.;  opens  door.]  Anybody  dar  ? [Closes 
door,  whmi  knock  is  given  on  it — opens  it  quickly — an  old  hoot  is  shown  in  the 
doorway  ac  if  m a foot  of  a man  standing  on  his  head— falls  back  and  door 
closes  ] Awaunt,  an'  quit  my  sight ! Oh  ! Ugh  ! [Leaning  on  hack  of 
chair,  trembling — observes  his  s}mking.hands.]  Not  dat  I am  afeard  ! any- 
body can  see  I’m  shiverlous!  [Knock,  gentle,  ’L.-^-starts.]  Dat’s  more 
like.  Mus'  be  Mrs.  Ebony  from  nex’  door.  [Knock,  l. — stoops  for  his 
handkerchief  in  hat,  wipes  his  face.]  All  right,  now.  Walk  in  ! [Knock  l.] 
You  may  come  in ! [Crosses  to  l.  d. — opens  it.] 

Ephraim  [is  seen  in  doorway,  squatting  down  so  that  Professor  looks  over 
him.]  Yep  ! [Rises. 

Professor  [Staggers  back  as  door  closes — to  c.]  Bress  us  an'  magnify  us ! 
I fought  de  boy  grew  up  out  ob  de  floor.  It  was  on'y  a boy — ha, 
ha!  Not  dat  I was  afeard  I I'll  lay  for  him  I [Knock  l. — timts  his 
handkerchief  into  a rope — crosses  to  B.  j>.,  stands  by  the  side  of  «i.]  Jess  let 
him  call  ag'in  an'  I'll  dress  him  handsomely.  [Business  of  waiting. 

Ephraim  [Opens  n.  in  f.]  Nigger,  nigger,  neber  die,  black  face  and 
chaney  eye ! 

[Professor  looks  up  c.,  but  slips  in  turning — Ephraim  closes  j>.  in  w. 
Professor  Hey  ah's  de  trouble  all  ober  ag’in  ! 

[To  c.  facing  l.  so  as  to  watch  doors  in  T.  and  l. 
Ephraim  [Opens  r.  d.]  Whitewash  ! [Closes  door. 

Professor  [Bewildered — turns  round  and  round.]  Dis  is  too  much  for 
i ’ [Steps  in  his  hat  on  floor — slurMes — sinks  into  chair  exhausted.]  EnufT 
to  fat-j-gue  a boss  ! [A  wlmUe  vnthout. 

Projector  Wossing  his  arms.]  Go  'way  boy,  or  I’ll  have  you  locked 
up  ! [Puts  his  hat  on  with  handkerchief  streaming  out  of  it. 

[Ephraim  opens  R.  and  shies  his  cap,  which  knodcs  off  Professor's  hat 
which  rolls  to  L.  wdk  cap.] 

Professor  [Clapping  his  hand  to  his  head.]  In  de  name  ob  wonder, 
wbaf  s dat  ? [Frightened,  goes  l.,  picks  up  cap,  and,  in  taking  up  hk 


DE  TROUIU.K  r'l':<UNR  AT  NINF 


hai^  rtms  /us  hmd  through  Ihr  rim.  • ihrs  not  hmnc  wh^d  hwi  ^ ' uh 
hat,  looks  hehind  him^  etc,,  it;  at  lad  secs  il.'\  T)i3  looks  mom  F’  ; 
ft  Baaspan  dan  a bat  ! [Puts  it  on.  To  c. 

Epur AIM  entns  n.  d.  , but  slops,  seeing  Professor  has  his  cap. 

Prof  [/St’fis  him.  Aside.']  Here’s  de  unblushing  wagabone  I Let  me 
on’y  have  my  hand  on  bim  and  I'll — ^jess  see  what ! [Pretends  not  to 
hwe  remarked 'EiVURA.m,  who  comes  more  c. — Professor  suddenly  maizes  a 
run  at  EriiRAiM,  siezes  him  and  runs  him  off  r.  d.  ; — Trampling  r. — Pro- 
fessor r.  D.,  laughing.]  He’s  cracked  his  head  in  de  scullery. 
[Trem£ndmis  crash  r. — looks  horrified  off  u.]  Bress  us  ! he’s  gone  clean 
froo  de  parlor  pi-anny ! an'  dar’s  de  whole  winder  bust  out  ob  dc 
Bashes  I [Throws  cap  off  r.]  Bar’s  one  consolation  ! I'm  sure  to  be 
left  in  peace  now  for  a while.  Let’s  sit  down  car-merly.  [Attempts 
(o  pday,  seated  as  before.]  Gee  ! I can’t  feel  de  strings  ! [Plays  a 
medley. — Ephraim  r.  n.,  softly,  laughs  aside,  dances,  begins  sliding 

timidly  and  thm  takes  a run  and  slides  clear  across  stage. — Professor  tw- 
ierc^ts  his  retreat ^ and  with  a furious  stamping,  grasps  Ephraim.}  Ha, 
ha  ! have  I caught  you  here  ? 

Eph  [RvibUng  his  ear.]  You  caught  me  by  de  ear  much  too  rough. 

Prof  Don’t  be  sassy,  hoy  ! What  brought  you  round  dis  house 
to  kick  up  sich  a bobbery  ebery  night  at  nine  ? 

[Ephraim  laughs;  Professor  shakes  him. 

Eph  I’ll  tell  my  madder  on  you. 

Prof  I don’t  care  for  your  mudder  1 

Eph  Nebber  did  no  hurt.  [Knuckles  to  his  eyes. 

Prof  [Dragging  him  to  c.]  You’ve  broken  all  my  dishes,  and  de 
parlor  winders— — 

Eph  No,  I neber ! You  shoved  me  ! 

Prof  [Appealingly  to  Audiexce.]  Ht^re’s  de  way  dat  dey  turn  roun* 
an’  charees  a respectable  citizen  dat  don’t  pay  his  taxes,  wid  doiu 
it  all ! 

Ji^ph  I was  on’y  cornin’  in  squietly  to  hear  de  moosic ! 

Prof  [Aside.]  Oh  ! dar’s  somefin’  favorable  about  de  lad  I 

Eph  [Dolefufy.]  I don’t  hear  nuffin’  like  your  playin’  since  m3 
fader  went  tf*  ^pa  on  de  canal-boat. 

Pro  [Interested]  Is  your  fader  a moosician  ? 

Eph  I should  tink  he  was  1 

Pro  Does  he  pl^„T  ’cordeon,  de  banjo,  or  de  bones  f 

I^h  No,  he  on  instrument  what  |day8  on  de  bones  1 

Pro  What  ebei  \ 


DB^TEOUBLE  BEGIKS  AT  NINE. 


Eph  Used  to  file  meat-saws  ! [Imtates  saw-filing ^ with  right  fore-fingat 
m left  arm."] 

Pro  Pshaw  ! 

Eph  To  be  sure  he  did.  I ought  ter  know  ! 

Pro  Wliar  does  you  lib  when  you'se  to  home  ? 

Eph  Wid  my  m udder. 

^ Pro  Yes — where  does  your  mudder  lib  ? 

Eph  Wid  me. 

Pro  {Angrily.']  Yes.  Who  is  your  mudder  ? 

Eph  Miss  Persimmons.  I’m  her  good  little  Ephraim  ! 

Pro  She  must  be  sweet  on  you  ! 

Eph  I offen  hear  her  say  Eph-er  of  thee  I am  so  fondly  dream* 
ing  ! 

Pro  Oh,  Ephraim  Persimmons  ! why,  you  is  de  doctor’s  boy  ! 

Eph  No.  I leff  de  doctor. 

Pro  Sit  down  and  tell  us  all  consarnin’  it.  [Seated  l chair. 

[Ephraim  takes  r.  chair 

Pro  [Markedly  removes  his  hat.]  You’re  sittin’  down  wid  yer  cap  on, 
Ephraim. 

Ephraim  [Stares,  puts  his  hand  up  to  head.]  Yes,  so  I is. 

Pro  Ephraim,  behove  yourself  I [Pulls  Ephraim’s  cap  off,  and  throws 
it  to  B..  front.]  So  you  ain’t — don’t  you  get  up  for  your  cap  ! — So  you 
ain’t — keep  your  seat ! — So  you — Ephraim,  [Holding  Ephraim  down, 
who  makes  extravagant  efforts  to  reach  his  cap  with  his  foot.]  Behove  yourself ! 
So  you  ain’t  wid  de  doctor  now? 

Eph  No  I couldn’t  do  de  fust  ting  he  set  me  at ! 

Pro  What  was  dat  ? 

Eph  Dar  was  a lot  ob  marble  images  in  his  room,  men  on  one  side 
women-fokes  on  de  oder,  and  when  I took  dem  down  for  to  dust  ’em, 
I couldn’t  put  ’em  up  ag’in  I 

Pro  Was  dey  so  heavy  as  all  dat  ? 

Eph  No,  but  I couldn’t  tell  de  men  from  de  women.  De  doctor 
came  in,  and  says  he  : “You’ll  neber  da.  for  dis  perfession.  An}^- 
Dody  oughter  be  able  to  tell  de  women  from  de  men  from  deir 
de  most  jaw  !”  Wid  dat  he  presented  me  wid  a ploom ! an’ 

IlehM 

Pro  A piume  ? what  did  you  want  fedders  for  ? 

Eph  Who  said  fedders  ? Dis  was  a ploomer? 

Pro  Oh,  I see  I a diploma,  a sheet  o’  paper,  or  sheepskin 

P^h  No ! dis  was  cowhide,  weighed  nigh  seven  poun’^ 


OT  TIOTBLE  BFrf4fNS  AT  FINE. 

Ft'o  Kh  ? 

It  was  fixed  on  his  hoof,  and  of  all  do  t’ings  riggou 
shape  of  a cnino  I [One  lc(j  on  the  other  knee  and  Vie  fool  minting.  \ 

I was  jess  fool  enuff  to  get  in  de  way  ob  it  as  I was  goin’  froo 
door 

iVoWell! 

Eph  I neber  went  back  for  de  balance  ob  my  wages.  " ' ; 

Pro  So  you’se  doin'  uuffin'  now  ? 

E^h  Nuflin’.  I want  to  learn  to  play  like  you. 

Pro  Do  you  ? To  please  de  young  ladies  ob  color? 

Eph  No  I to  scar'  away  de  cats  from  our  back-yard  of  a summer 
night.  What's  your  prices  ? 

Pro  Terms  cash.  Five  dollars  for  de  free  fust  lessons.  One  dol- 
lar for  de  fourth,  an’  nufiin'  for  the  fifth. 

Eph  Den  I’ll  begin  on  de  far  end,  and  take  de  last  one  now  ! 

Pro  You’ll  find  a banjo  ober  dar. 

[Ephraim  goes  to  l.  proscenium  e.  , and  gets  mock  banjo.  Returns  is  seal. 

Comic  hasiTiess  of  imiiaiing  Professor  in  management  of  Vie  instrur?^. 

Pro  How’s  your  woice  ? 

Eph  Pooty  well,  thank’ee;  how’s  your’n  ? 

Pro  I mean,  how  high  can  you  reach  ? 

Eph  To  de  sugar-bowl  on  de  top  shelf. 

Pro  I'm  speaking  of  singing 

Eph  Oh ! 

Pro  Are  you  tenor,  soprano,  alto,  base  or  what  ? 

Eph  I ain’t  none  ob  dem  fust  fellers — I must  be  an  or-what. 

Pro  I’m  a tenor  myself — is  your  voice  like  mine  ? 

Eph  I hope  not.  I fought  you  was  an  all- toe.  [Looking  down. 

Pro  Behove  yourself,  Ephraim,  or  you  may  have  reason  to  be- 
lieve dat  same. 

I s’ pec’  when  my  breather’s  in  good  order,  dat  I’m  a sort 
o*  Windsor  soaprano. 

Pro  Neber  mind.  I’ll  soon  tell  you  when  I hear  you.  Now,  do, 
re,  nvi 

Eph  Do  what  ? 


Pro  Do,  re,  mi — dem’s  de  nances  ob  de  notes.' 

Eph  Oh,  ii dey  ? 

Pro  Lis’en.  Dis  is  do  ! [Chord',  and  note  sung  discordantly, 

[Ephraim  laughs. 

Pro  Silence ! 

Eph  [Laughs.']  On’y  fix  yer  mouf  in  dat  way  ag’in  I 


a m TROUBLE 

Pro  Do-o-o  ! 

Ha,  ha ! 

Prof  Le’s  heyah  you  den ! 

Eph  Would  you  like  to  hear 
and  want  pressin'. 

Prof  [Softly.}  Do,  Ephraim ! 

Eph  Say  it  ag’in  ! 

Prof  Do,  dat's  a good  youth, 

Eph  Sweeter  1 

Prof  [Softly. 1 Do,  Ephraim  ! 

Eph  Once  more ! 

Prof  Do,  Ephraim! 

Eph  [Falls  off  chair,']  Oh  1 
Prof  [Looks  down  on  him.]  Dat's  very  good ! 

Eph  [Rises,  and  remmes  seat.]  I want  to  sing  songs.' 

Prof  Do  you  know  any  ? 

Eph  I know  all  de  songs.  [Business  mth  hamfo. 

Prof  Well,  we’ll  have  “ Mr.  Brown.!' 

Eph  Know  all  de  Browns. 

Prof  We’ll  commence  at  once.  tune  up,  de. 

Pro  Now,  mind.  You  don’t  sing  till  de  crescendo  passage. 

Eph  [Stops  tuning.]  Eh  ? 

Prof  Till  de  crescendo  passage. 

Eph  Where  am  de  grecrecendough  sassidge  ? 

Pro  Who  said  any  ting  ob  de  kind  ? All  you’ve  got  to  do  is  hold 
your  breff  till  I get  froo  wid  my  solo ! [Sings. 

“ Wake  up.  Brown  I” 

I’m  a berry  sassy  moko, 

An’  when  I comes  to  town, 

I let  off  the  extra  smoke^oh 
By  knockin’  fellers  roun’; 

But  las’  time  it  was  a loco- 
Motive  dat  butt  me  down, 

An’  for  weeks  I neber  spoke- oh 

When  I hollered 

Eph  What  was  it  you  hollered? 

Prof  [Spokeri]  W hat  could  I holler  but [Sings. 

Wake  up,  Brown!” 

Both  “ Wake  up.  Brown  !” 

Epueaim  sings  so  outrageously  out  of  time  and  tune  and  continues  ike  note  in 
a shake,  that  Professor,  after  turning  and  watching  him  a second,  ddibet- 
j.telij  snatches  banjo  from  him  and  bonnets  him  with  it.  Ephraim  rises.  Pbo- 
1 1 Sr  ' )R  takes  chairs  to  L.  Ephraim  going  to  resume  seat,  falls.  Professor 
g(^rj  .ff  K.  n.,  with  his  own  banjo.  Ephraim  folhws.  T^ke  dis  banjo- 
seph  -ff  Professor  appears  in  R.  doorway  and  flours  Kphraim.  Exit. 
Ephraim  staggers  to  a,  making  faces,  and  to  l.  d.  Jess  for  dat— jess 
for  dat,  ebery  night  de  Trouble  begins  at  Niue ! [Exit,  l.  n. 


BEGINS  AT  NINE. 

[Chord  on  banjo, 

me?  Mudder  says  I’m  bashful— 
Ephraim ! 


THE  END, 


HE  GIIALLIiN<  Jl' 


A PEELUDE  TO  DANCE  FOE  TWO  SPEAKINO  DANCIJES, 
MUSICIAN  TO  SPEAK,  AND  INSTRUMENTAL 
QUARTETl'E. 


I 


i 


AS  PERFORMED  BY 


BRYANT’S  MINSTRELS. 


NEW  TOEK : 

happy  hours  coaipany, 

]yro.  1 Chaaieehs  Street, 


CnARACTERS — Challenge  Dance  ] 


lll-Courd  McGinnis,  (A  Hibernian  Darkey) 

Farmyard  Sam,  (an  Ethiopian  Exquisite) 


.Dan  Bryant.  . 
. J.  Newcombs. 
.Henry  Leslie. 


Musician 


1 


COSTUMED. 


McGinnis. —Blue  pilot  jacket,  patched  with  light  colored  cloth  at 
elbows  and  on  the  back — striped  shirt,  with  large  collar  standing 
up — a large  steel  dog-chain  from  button-hole  of  vest  into  pocket 
of  same — vest  is  of  carpet  stuff,  broad  flowered  patterh — drab  pants, 
patched  with  a dark  strip  of  other  cloth  on  one  leg,  just  above 
the  knee  to  the  bottom  hem — cap,  with  the  vizor  hanging  by  a 
few  threads  only — striped  stockings — heavy  shoes. 

Farmyard  Sam. — Dandy  dress — grey  felt  sugar-loaf  hat,  with  the 
brim  tucked  in  all  around,  except  for  a hand's  breadth  in  front}- 
where  it  forms  a vizor — fancy  pattern  calico  print  shirt — no  waist- 
coat or  coat — light  pants — coarse  shoes,  bqt  not  too  coarse. 

Musicians. — As  usual— evening  dress. 


FROPERTHSS. 


Four  chairs,  to  be  brought  on  l.  side— one  chair,  r.  front — large 
pocket-book  for  Count  McGinnis— bank-note  for  First  Musician 
and  for  Sam — coin  for  Sam— a cup  of  sand  ready,  l.  u.  e. — a cup 
of  sand  ready,  r.  u.  e. 

Time  of  representation — twelve  minutes,  (exclusive  of  dancing.) 


CHALLKiN(iE  DANCE. 


to  fvU  depth  of  a small  stage  io  alloiv  room  for  walk-around. 

A garden^  or  wood. — Entrances  l.  and  r.  , open. 

First  Musician  and  rest  of  Quartette  enter  l.  u.  e.  , and  place  chain 
for  themselves  in  l.  2 e.  They  seat  themselves  and  tune  up. 

Enier  McGinnis,  b.  u.  e.  singing. 

3le(liums  “ Den,  walk  along  John,  de  piper's  son,  de  work  am. 
liuiiJied,  anci  " (Speaks.)  How  de  do,  boys?  (Sings)  “And  de  day 
most  done  !"  (To  c.,  shufflingly. 

1st  M We're  all  well  ; you  seem  merry.  Count  McGinnis — how 
do  you  feel? 

McO  Generally  wid  my  ban's,  when  dar’s  anything  grabable  about 
(Opens  and  shuts  his  hands  significantly)  Why,  what  yer  all  a-doin’ 
a-sottin'  ^uud  heyah  ? 

M Oh,  came  to  rehearse  a little,  against  this  evening. 

McG  Does  yer  mean  to  say  yer  is  gwiu’  to  def  jrLn  at  de  ball  to- 
night ? 

l.s<  AT  We  are  going  to  perform  there. 

McG  What  1 no  nonsense ! (Looking  cd  the  instruments)  Play  on 
dem  machineries  ? (Putting  out  his  hand. 

Isi  M (Impatienly)  Don't  touch  my  violin. 

McG  Who  was  wiolint— I was  peaceable  as  a lamb. 

M If  you  were  to  get  my  violin  out  of  order,  there  wouldn*t 
be  any  dance-music  to-night. 

McG  Oh,  dey'd  bawl  for  de  accordeon  den*  Is  yer  gwin-  to  play 
good  moosic  ? 

Ifii  M The  best ! 

McG  ( Laughs  and  dances  a step  or  two.  ( Plays  a few  chords. 

M You're  rather  spry,  count, 

McG  Slightually  1 I feel  like  a bird,  Ned ! like  a — an  rspr’y ! 
( E'nphatically.)  /am  gwin'  to  be  dar  dis'  ebening  1 
la!  M Are  you,  really  ? 

MeG  Didn't  you  hear  nufi&n'  about  de  prige  offered  for  de  best 


4 CHALLENGE  DANCE. 

lit  M Oh,  yes.  " 

McG  (Thumbs  in  his  vest  arm-holes^  attitude^  (rniplacmUy.)  Bat's  me  I 

Isf  M It’s  a silver  cun  ! 

McG  Bey  calls  it  a gobberlin  in  de  bills. 

M A goblet,  then. 

McG  A silver  gobberlin.  I expectre  win  it ! 

Is^  M Pooh  ! You  don’t  stand  the  ghost  of  a chance  ! 

MrG  (Shuffling  one  foot  before  him,)  Who  don’t  ? 

M Why  you,  to  be  sure. 

McG  [/bees  iAe  Musicians.]  Look  heyah!  I’se  gwin  to  take  dat 
cup  home  ! [All  laugh.']  Why  not  ? Is  some  o’  you  going  to  chal- 
lenge me  ? I tell  yer  ag’in  I'se  boun’  to  fetch  dat  cup  home  for  my 
little  brudder  to  play  wid.  [All  laugh^walks  about  saucily. ] Who’s 
a-gwin  to  dance  down  dis  chile  ? Bat — dat’s  all  I want  to  know — 

Is/  M You  needn’t  get  excited  in  that  sort  of  way.  I^Lnow  the 
little  boy  who  is  going  to  win  that  cup. 

McG  Who  is  ? [l.  0.,  ^ Musicians. 

Is/  M This  little  boy  that  I know. 

McG  What  little  boy  ? 

1st  M [Locking  over  to  R.  u.  e.]  Yonder  he  comes. 

McG  What,  him  ? [Derisive  laugh,]  him  ? hur,  hur  ! ’V^y,  dat’s 
young  Farmyard  Sam.  He  can’t  shake  a leg  alongside  o’  me ! 

[Looking  off  over  to  r.  u.  e. 

Is/  M He  can  just  walk  you  out  of  your  shoes  at  dancing. 

McG  Kin  he  ? Who  says  so  ? « 

1st  M Why,  I say  so  for  one. 

McG  You’d  better  be  car’ful  ? 

Is/  M I do  say  so. 

McG  Bat’s  enuff.  You  hear  him,  fellers?  [To  Is/  Musician.] 
P’raps  you’d  like  to  bet  on  dat  ? 

1st  M I ain’t  afraid  to. 

McG  I’m  easy  1 [Takes  out  pocket-book.]  Would  you  go  a five  ? 

Is/  M [Taking  a bank-note  from  his  vest-pocket,]  If  you  like. 

McG  I’m  easy  ! You’se  witness,  fellers  1 Lis’en  to  me,  dis  chief- 
engineer  of  de  fiddle  has  a favorite  cornin’.  Now,  den,  if  dis  pet  of 
his  turns  out  petter  dan  me,  why — dat  clinches  de  nail.  But  if  on 
de  countery,  I beat  dis  Oder  feller  (’course,  I easy  can  !)  why,  I takes 
de  money.  [Takes  note  from  hand  of  1st  Musician,  who  was  holding  it 
out  to  be  covered  by  McGinnis’s.]  I covers  it,  [Lays  his  left  hand  on  the 
note  in  his  right.']  and  I walks  off  wid  it ! 

[Ocfsses  to  E.  u.  B.,  putting  note  in  his  pockd-hook. 


CnALLENOE  DANot 


5 


Jr  stop ! hi  I here  ! 

^ ^Asmtaiid  Sam  enters  r.  u.  b.,  nmmmj  nnmmt 


Somebody’s  callin'  you!  [Calcha  McGinnis  /:e  passes  a 
dado  of  his  coat  behind  hiiriy  and  pulls  him  hack.']  May  I prewail  up 
ydu  to  stop  1 ' [Slings  McGinnis  over  to  l.  side. 

If  McG  [Adjusts  his  coat  and  collar.]  I’ll  wale  you  if  you  toss  a mau 
®bout  like  that  once  more. 

Musicians  [Fantomime  with  lit  Musician  that  McGinnis  m^mt  no 
harm  in  running  away.] 

1^^  M [Satisfied.]  Well,  Count,  I suppose  the  bet’s  on  ? 

McG  Oh,  yes,  cle  bet’s  on  ! 

[/iooA'5  round.,  sees  he  cannot  exit  r.  side^  goes  over  to  b.  front  leimrdy^  pulls 
a chair  from  r,  wing  to  R.  fronts  sits  down — business  of  evincing  contempt 
for  Sam. 

M How  are  you,  Sam  ? 

Sam  I am  much  de  same,  if  not  more  so.  My  ole  massa’s  gone  at 
las’  though. 

ls<  M Run  away  ? 

Sam  No ! Dead.  It  ’pears  he’d  got  almos’  used  to  livin’  on  a 
strictly  wedgetarian  diet  (how  he  did  walk  into  turnips  1]  when  he 
was  carried  otf  de  hooks  in  a werry  unaccountable  manner. 

[ Wipes  his  eyes  with  sleeve<uff. 


Jf  No  doubt,  ypu’re  sony  ? 

Sam  [Solemrdy.]  Dat  ole  man  was  like  a fader  to  me. 

McG  [Half  aside.]  He'd  a son  to  be  proud  of  ! 

[All  look  over  at  McGinnis,  who  coughs  and  pretends  to  he  brushing  his  coat. 

Irf  M [To  Sam.]  Don’t  mind  him.  So,  old  Stevens  was  like  a 
father  to  you  ? 

Sam  Yes ! In  de  most  confectionery  manner,  he’d  cotch  me  by 
\de  frote  when  I axed  for  my  meals,  and  dat’s  what  he  called  gibin’ 
me  a collar-egiate  eddicatium.  [Hand  to  neck — All  laugh — McGinnis 
laughs j after  the  rest  begin.,  in  discord  with  theirs — All  look  over  to  McGinnis 
— McGinnis  smothers  laughs  and  is  exceedingly  solemn — Sam,  to  Isi  Musi- 
cian.] Who  is  dat  imperent  pusson  ? 

M Hush ! That’s  Ill-Count  McGinnh  ! the  Italian  refugee  from 
Cork  I the  great  dancer  1 

Sam  Him  a dancer  I [Looking  at  McGrNNis. 

McG  [Aside — sings.]  “ Oh,  what  shall  we  do  when  de  comet  breaks 
de  world  up,  and  scatters  all  de  colored  fokes  aroun’  ?” 

[Shuffles  his  feet,  stdl  seated- 


e chaiIlenge  dance. 

Sam  taps  ImforeJmd  meaningly, 
l5^  M He  may  not  be  all  right  about  his  head,  but  he  means  to  -win 
that  cup  to-niglit  with  his  feet. 

Sam  He  is?  Why,  I’m  strikin’  for  dat  same  myself.  My  gal’s 
set  her  heart  on  havin’  it  I 
1st  M Yon  can’t  both  have  it. 

Sam  Do  you  imagine  dat  anybody  of  his  size  can  do  dis  ? 

\Ouis  a pigeon's  wing. 

McG  [Looks  around — aside.']  He’s  woke  up ! [Laughs,  and  rises, 

leisurdy.]  Ha,  ha! 

[Lances,  as  if  to  himself,  the  same  figure  as  Sam,  hut  in  a grotesque  marmer. 
1st  M You  see  that  ? 

Sam  i see  dat,  ’o  course.  ’Taint  much  to  see ! If  it  was  like  dis 
he  might  talk ! [Dances  a few  st^. 

McG  [JVatches  him— aside.']  He’s  imperrooving. 

[Gathers  himself  up,  and  the  moment  Sam  finishes,  he  brings  down  his  foot  and 
dances  the  same,  breaking  down  at  c.  front — Sam  crosses  to  n.  to  watch 
McGinnis— McGinnis  finishes,  and  in  returning  to  n.,  meets  Sam. 

Sam  Ah  1 somethink  of  a dancer,  I see. 

3IcG  [Shrugs  his  shoulders.]  On’ y jess  a-leaming  like  ! 

[Reaches  chair  r.,  with  a little  toe-heel  “ snaking.'^ 
Sam  [To  McGinnis.]  Hear  you  are  gwin’  to  de  Ball  to-night  ? 
McG  Got  an  ap’intment  wid  de  pint  cup  dar. 

Sam  Oh  ! 

McG  Yes,  oh ! 

Sam  P’raps  dar’s  some  money  goin*  a-beggin’  on  dat  same  pint  ? 
McG  Werry  likely. 

Sam  Have  you  heerd  on  anybody  what  wants  to  bet  high  ? 

McG  I’m  easy  ! You  can  come  see  me  ! 

[Bus.  of  taking  out  pocket-book,  which  is  too  large  for  pocket. 
Sam  I’ll  meet  you  to  any  amount ! 

McG  Got  a thousand  lying  loose  ? 

Sam  [Aghast]  No  ! I’ve  a ten-dollar-bill  somewhar. 

[By  Musicians,  l.,  iake$  out  money. 
McG  [Crosses  over  l.]  Post  up  your  money. 

Musician  holds  out  his  hand,  and  SAMpi^/«  out  his  note  to  give  Ist  Mu- 
sician to  hold,  when  McGinnis  lays  it  in  his  pockd-hook,  and  draws  back 
a step. 

Sam  [Surprised.]  Here,  I say — « 

Ist  M Come,  Count,  what’s  all  this? 


challenge  dance. 


[AUtiod.]  Weit>- 
[P&eket»  lyjak. 


MeO  Why,  1 thought  you  understood  do  bet ! Here’K> 
ain't  ho  ? 

AU  [^^od]  Yes ! 

McG  And  here  I am!  ain’t  I,  or  ain’t  I not? 
well. 

Sam  But  dis  won’  t do  ! 

3fcG  If  you’d  only  pay  attention  I 

Sam  All  dc  pay  we  will  get, 

McG  Don’t  be  consultin’  me,  brack  man  ! Ain’t  dis  plain  ? Here 
you  are,  and  here’s  me,  gwin’  to  have  a challenge  dance,  best  two 
out  of  free,  fair  an  square,  walk-arodnd  and  break  down.  You’ve 
put  up  your  money,  an’  I — I’ve^  up  mine  ! [Steps  his  pocket.}  If  I 
dances  best  of  us  two,  ’course  I let’s  de  money  reinain  whar  it  am 
at  present  speaking ; on  de  oder  hand,  if  you  don't  dance  so  good  as 
me,  why  de  money  is  left  at  de  indisposition  ob  de  umpire,  to  await 
de  judgment  ob  de  referee. 

Sam  [Shakes  his  head.} 

McG  I’m  easy. 

Sam  [To  1st  M.]  It  sounds  all  right,  but  is  dis  fellar  safe  ? 

Isi  M.  Oh,  he’s  got  some  money  of  mine,  too  ! I think  he  is.  He 
looks  honest. 

[McG  assumes  attitude  of  corrplacerhcy  hy  chair  n. 

Isi5  M [2b  Sam  ] Oh,  you’re  sure  to  win.  [Tunes  up. 

[Musicians  tune  up. 

Sam  Dat’ll  do,  since  you  say  so.  It’s  a bet  den.  [Ib  McGinnis.] 


Who’s  fust? 

McG  Toss  for  it ! 


[Sam  throws  up  com. 


[Together.-] 

McG  What  made  you  say  what  I did  f 
Sam  You’d  no  business  tb  cry  like  me ! 

[McG  tosses  up  com. 

Sam  Tail ! [Nioops  wer  coin.}  Ha ! knew  I’d  win  ! 

[Doth  stoop  to  pick  up  cotn—McG  gets  if. 
Sam  [Holds  out  his  handC}  Thank  yer ! 

[fAcGt  pockets  coin,  turns  n. 
Sam  [Nfops  him.}  You  picked  up  dat  penny ! 

McG  Eh  ? oh,  yes ! It’s  wrong  to  leave  money  kicking  about 
[Sam  goes  up  to  l.  u.  b.,  gets  sand,  takes  off  his  hat,  ^c. — Music,  prelude  to 
the  dame — He  sprinkles  stage  with  sand,  shuffles  it  even — Music  of  loalk- 
around  to  which  Sam  dances,  and  breaks-down. 

All  applaud.  _ 

McG  [Goes  up  io  r.  u.  E,  clumsUy,  gets  sand,  comes  over  to  c.]  I knew  h^_ 
couldn’t  dance — didn’t  know  how  to  frow  de  sand  ! [Jerks  sand 
cup,  by  twist  of  wrist,  to  make  a snake  of  sand  m the  stage.  Skno  to 
mark  time — Shuffles  sUndy,Ho  tread  out  the  sanA  Music,  as  bffore,  ^ 


B 


CHALLPTGE  DANCE. 


All  applaud. 

[bailees^  efc.,  netvskps  introduced.']  Rader  link  dis’ll  fix  his  back 
hair  ! [l.  front  to  watch  McGinnis. 

[McG  takes  off  coat^  lays  it  on  chair  e.  front  with  his  cap — tiLcks  up  his  sleeves 
ai  the  wristband ^ goes  up  c.,  and  dances^  much  more  vigorously  than  before. 
— Sam  goes  up  as  McGinnis  dances  down  fronts  crosses,  and  comes  down 

to  E.  front — kneels  by  chair  and  searches  rockets  of  coat  there. — McG  is  con- 
cluding dance  up  c. , whoi  he  spies  Sam.  Business  of  inability  to  leave  off 
dancing  at  so  critical  a point  and  of  anxiety  to  stop  the  robbery.  Misses  step, 
trips  hvinself  up  as  he  comes  down,  and falls  fuU  length  towards  E.  front. — 
Sam  goes  up  and  crosses  l. 

McG  [Takes  up  his  coat,  feds  in  the  pocket — blubbers.]  Oh,  oh  ! [Agony.] 
oh  ! whatever  will  my  mudder  say  ? [Suddenly  discovers  that  the  pocket- 
book  has  slipped  through  hole  in  the  pocket  and  down  to  the  bottom  of  the  lining 
at  the  hem  of  skirt.  'Change  of  countenance.]  Fm  easy! 

M That’s  one  against  you,  Count  ! 

McG  Which  one ! 

[Gesticulatiiig  with  coat  in  his  right  hand,  and  hat  in  his  left. 

1st  M Why,  you  fell ! 

McG  [In  great  wonder.]  Who  fell  ? 

AU  Why,  you  / 

McG  ’Cause  of  his  fell-onious  intentions.  ’Taint  fair — don’t  count ! 
Isl  M Ido,  Count! 

McG  Anyhow,  I got  one  more  chance ! [Music  as  before. 

]Dotii  walk  around  md  dance,  keeping  at  it  as  long  as  it  ^Hakes'" — McG  e.  c. 
gets  gradually  fatigued.  Busiriess  of  stumbling,  recovering,  finding  he  is 
going  to  lose,  glancing  sidewise  at  Sam,  l.  c.  , then  working  his  way  down  e. 
for  his  coat,  misses  his  footing,  stumbles,  catches  at  the  hack  of  chairs  which 
comes  off  in  his  hand. — He  falls  over  chair.] 

AU  Bhout. 

1st  M You’ve  lost ! 

McG  [Picking  himself  up,  coat  UTider  one  arm,  hat  in  hand. — To  Sam.] 
You’ve  lost!  Just  decisium  ! 

1st  M No,  no,  you  fell  1 ^ [Rises. 

McQ  I neber  touched  de  groun*  ohce’t  ! • [e.  c.] 

Sam  Out  with  the  money  ! [c.] 

McG  Dis  bank’s  breaking — breaUng  for  de  woods  ! 

[Exit  E,  1 E.  chair  under  left  arm,  the  top  of  it  in  left  hand,  hat  in  right  hand 
and  coat  on  right  arm — Sam  follows  him  off  E.  1 b. — Musicians  exeunt  h. 
McG  [Appears  e.  u.  e.  to  c.,  pause.]  I’m  easy  ! [Exit  l.  u.  b. 


THE  END. 


MISHAPS  OF  C.FSAR  CRIJ.. 


AN  ETHIOPIAN  FAKCB, 


IN  THREE  SCENES, 


NEW  Y-OBK; 


HAPPY  HOURS  COMPANY, 

No.  1 CHAMBERS  STREET. 


MISHAPS  OF  CJESAE  CEUM. 


CHARACTERS. 

CiESAR  Crum* 
Aldermah  Jumbles* 
Lawyer  Fleecem. 

Hannah. 

* Mrs.  Jumbles. 

3 Laborers. 


COSTUMES. 

Ccesar  Crum, — Bark  coat;  bright  colored  vest;  striped  shirt  and  pan- 
taloons. All  much  too  large  for  him  and  quite  shabby. 

'Alderman  Jumbles.— 'BsAhex  old-fashioned  brown  business  suit,  with 
stock  and  standing  collar;  broad-brinuned  hat  and  grey  wig. 

Lawyer  FZeecem. --^Pepper  and  salt  stiit,  old-fashioned,  with  stock 
and  standing  collar;  broad-brimmed  hat;  cane;  grey  wig,  side  whiskers  a 
and  eye-brow’s. 

Ixtborers. — Ordinary  farm  laborers  di^'ss. 

Hannah. — Stulf  gown,  v ry  l)right  colors;  head  turl)aned,  very  high; 
bright  yellow  handkerchief  pinned  across  bosom. 

Mrs.  Jumbles. — Genteel  stuff  dress,  plain,  but  good;  neat  hat,  with 
veil. 


PKOPERTIES. 

Table'— Books— Pens — Ink — 2 Chairs — Bope — -Pail — Scrubbing 
brush— Cloth— -Bandbox — Bress — Apron. 


Enterea  according  to  act  of  Congress  in  the  year  1874,  by  Happy  Hours  Company, 
in  the  office  of  the  I4brexiai:|  of  Congress  at  Washingtoa*^^^ 


MISHAPS  OF  CJESAR  CRUM 


Scene  I. — Apartment  in  Alderman  Jumhles'  Souse,  2.G. 
Set  door,  L.  liable,  c.,  oqi  it  boohs,  papers, pens,  ink,' 

Two  chairs  on, 

Alderman  Jumbles  anrf  Lawyer  Fleecem  erf  setd 

ed  at  table. 

Jumbles,  1 tell  you,  lawyer,  everything  is  right  on  that 
head ; for  Mrs.  Jumbles  was  drowned  some  six  months  ago 
off  Coney  Island.  And  now,  lawyer,  as  we  cannot  proceed 
any  farther  in  this  busines  to-day,  we  will  let  it  rest.  I 
wish  to  know  if  you  cannot  recommend  me  a servant  that 
can  take  care  of  my  farm,  run  errands,  and  make  himself 
useful.  {Jumbles  ancl  Fleecem  come  forward, 

Mr,  Fleecem,  Yes,  I do  know  a person  that  I think 
would  suit  you.  But  mind,  before  you  hire  him,  he  will  do 
nothing  more  than  he  is  told.  Tell  him  to  do  so  and  so,  or 
that  you  want  it  done  in  any  particular  way,  and  he'U  do  it ; 
but  no  more,  or  no  less.  {Knock,  p.l*)  Ah,  I guess  hero 
he  is  now. 


4 


MISHAPS  OF  O^SAR  CRUM. 


Jumh,  (l.)  If  that  is  his  only  failing,  I think  he 
will  suit  me.  {Knock  da.,)  Who’s  there? 

Caesar,  {Poking  his  head  in,  d.l.)  Nobody,  only  dis 
chile. 

Mr,  F.  (r.)  Why  didn’t  you  come  in  when  you  first 
knocked  ? 

Caesar,  Cos  you  didn’t  tole  me  to. 

Jumb,  Well,  come  in. 

Ca^ar,  Here  I is,  massa. 

Enter  C^sar  Crum,  d.l. 

Mr,  F,  Well,  Caesar,  did  you  go  to  the  post  office  and 
inquire  if  there  were  any  letters  for  me  ? 

Caesar,  (c.)  Yes,  massa. 

Mr,  F,  Were  there  any? 

Caesar,  Yes,  massa. 

Mr,  F,  Where  are  they  ? 

Caesar,  In  de  post  office. 

Mr,  F,  Didn’t  you  bring  them  ? 

Caesar,  No,  massa. 

Mr,  F,  And  why  not? 

Caesar,  Cos  you  didn’t  tole  me  to.  You  tole  me  to  in- 
quire if  dere  was  any  letters  for  you  ; you  didn’t  tole  me  to  ^ ^ 
bring  dem  away  wid  me.  {Retires  up  to  table, 

Mr,  F What  did  I tell  you,  alderman? 

Jumb,  (To  Caesar,)  My  man  ! {Caesar,  who  is  look- 
ing at  books,  takes  no  notice  of  him,)  My  man  ! Do  you 
hear  me  ? 

Caesar  {To  Fleecem,)  Don’t  you  hear  de  gemman 
spokin'  to  you  ? 

Jumb,  { To  Caesar,)  You  I mean. 

Caesar,  {To  Fleecem,)  Don^t  I tole  you  de  gemman 
wants  to  spoke  to  you? 

Jumh,  I mean  you,  Caesar, 

Caesar.  O,  you  wants  dis  child.  i 

Jumb,  Do  you  want  a situation  ? i 

Caesar  Who  am  dat,  massa?  | 

Jumb,  Nobody.  4 


Mr^nAI'S  OF  CJuSAll  CHUM. 


V 


No  indf'Ocly,  massa,  I don’t  want  nufTiii’ 
wid  dat  feller  ; cbryhudy  knows  liiin. 

Jumh,  . You  misunderstand  me  ; I mean,  do  you  want  a 
plaee  to  Avork? 

Caesar,  O,  I unercumstand  you  now.  O,  yes,  I wants 
a place,  prowided  dere’s  bery  little  to  do,  and  a great  deal 
to  get  for  it, 

Jnmh,  Well,  what  can  you  do? 

Caesar.  Well,  I can  whitewash,  black  boots,  play  in  de 


policy,  and 

Jumh.  I mean,  wnat  can  you  do  on  a farm? 

Caesar.  Eberyt’ing  you  tole  me,  and  nuffin’  else. 

Jumh.  What  is  your  name? 

Caesar.  Caesar  Crum  all  do  world  ober. 

Jumh.  Well,  Caesar,  Fll  give  you  ten  dollars  a month 
and  found. 

Caesar:  What ! Ten  dollars  a munf,  an’  de  eatin’,  an’ 
de  drinkin’,  an’  de  sleepin’,  and  all  dem  fxiri’s.  fown  in? 

Jumh.  Yes,  Caesar. 

Caesar.  Ten  dollars  a monf  ? I golly ! dere  ain’t  so 
much  money  in  de  w^orld. 

Jumh.  Will  you  come  and  work  for  me  on  those  terms? 

Caesar.  Won’t  do  nuffin’  else,  massa  ! 

Jumh.  Then  I’ll  tell  you  what  you  will  have  to  do.  You 
see  there  are  a great  many  strange  old  women  that  trespass 
on  my  grounds,  and  take  my  fruit-.  Now,  if  you  see  any 
women  running  loose  about  the  farm,  just  take  and  catch 
them. 

Caesar.  What  I do  wid  ’em  after  I cotch  ’em,  massa? 

Jumh.  Tie  them  up,  if  you  can’t  do  any  thing  else  with 
them. 

Caesar.  Well,  den,  de  fust  t’ing  dat  I am  to  do  is  to  tie 
up  all  de  old  womans  I cotch  runnin’  wid  a looseness? 

Jumh.  Yes.  The  next  thing  I want  you  to  do  is  to 
scour  the  country  round,  and  keep  off  all  poachers  and  va- 
grants that  infest  my  lands. 

Ceasar.  Yes,  massa?  Den  de  next  t’ing  I am  to  do  is 
to  scour  de  country  round. 


6 


MISHAPS  OP  C:;esar  Crum. 

Jumb,  Then  I want  you  to  go  and  hire  me  live  hands  to 
help  dig  out  the  ditch. 

Caesar.  Den  de  next  t’ing  is  to  go  and  hire  live  hands 
to  help  dig  out  de  ditch. 

^umb.  And  when  they  ajre  digging  out  the  ditch,  if  you 
find  any  mineral  specimens^  I wish  you  to  save  them  for  me. 

Caesar.  Min — min — min — mineralogical  skerpecimens 
— who  was  dat,  massa? 

Jumh.  Why,  they  are  stones  that  are  found  beneath  the 
earth’s  surface.  But  here,  Caesar,  {goes  to  table  and  gets 
hvok^)  is  Johnson’s  Dictionary  ; when  you  come  to  any  word 
you  don’t  understand  the  meaning  of,  jus  look  for  it  in  that 
book,  and  you  will  find  it.  ( Gives  hook  to  Caesar. 

Caesar.  Did  Massa  Johnson  hab  all  dese  words  in  him 
head? 

Jiimb.  Yes,  Caesar. 

Caesar.  I golly ! What  a big  head  Massa  Johnson 
must  hab  had  ! Neber  get  ’em  in  dis  nigger’s  pate,  no  how. 

Jumh.  Now,  Caesar,  remember  what  I have  told  you  to 
do,  and  see  that  it  is  done  well.  Come,  lawyer,  we  will  go 
to  breakfast.  {Exit  Jumbles  and  Fleecem  d.l 

Enter  Hannah,  l.h.' 

Han,  S’pose  you  am  de  culled  individuaiem  dat  massa 
hab  pre-engaged. 

Caesar.  Yes,  missus,  I is  dat  individuaiem. 

Han.  Well,  your  breakfus  am  ready. 

. Caesar.  T’ank  you,  missus.  (Aside.)  I don’t  t’ink  de 
breakfus  was  ready  for  me  any  sooner  dan  I was  ready  for 
de  breakfus.  (Exit  u.l. 

Han.  Ugh  ! what  an  ugly  nigga  he  am.  to  be  shuah ! 

(Ez^t  D.L. 

ScENte  II.— A Garden.^  4 g.  Set  Tree^  c. 

Enter  Caesar,*  r.2.e.,  with  rope^  paily  scrubbing  brushy  etc. 

Caesar.  I ties  ’em  all  up, 

Hannah,  b. 

^ Caesar.  Ah,  ole  womans,  I koteh  you  dis  time.  (Throws 


inSHAPS  oir  C/F.HAIt  CKHM. 


rope  0 W her  arms.)  Massa  tolo  m«  to  tie  up  all  <le 
Avoinaus  T kotch  riini)iu^  wid  a looseness. 

(^Ties  Hannah  to  tree, 

Han,  Help!  murder!  help! 

Cacear,  Hole  yolir  d — ii  jaw  ! 

Ban,  Help,  massa  ! help  I 

Enter  Jumbles,  r. 

Jumh,  What’s  all  this  noise  about?  {Turns  and  sees 
Hannah  tied  tp  the  tree,,  and  bicrsts  out  in  a fit  of  laughter,) 
Why,  Caesar,  what  the  devil  have  you  been  about? 

Caesar,  Hole  on  one  minute,  I tells  you.  {2'aJces  paper 
from  hat,)  No.  1.  Tyiu’  up  all  de  (*le  womans  1 kotcli 
runnin’  wid  a looseness. 

Jumh,  {Laughing,)  Well,  Hannah,  you  must  excuse 
him,  {releasing  her,,)  as  he  has  not  had  time  to  get  acquainted 
with  the  folks  belonging  to  the  house. 

{Caesar  kneels  down  on  stage,,  and  goes  to  scrubbing,,  occa- 
sionally dipping  his  brush  in  the  pail, 

Han,  (l.  Aside,)  De  ugly  brack  brute  I I’ll  fix  um 
for  dat  trick,  or  my  name’s  not  what  I t’inks  it  am,  and 
dat’s  Hannah.  Dat’s  what’s  de  matter. 

{Shakes  fist  at  Caesar  behind  Jumbles*  back.  Exit  L.2.E. 

Jumb,  (c.).  Caesar!  {Turns  and  sees  Caesar  scrub- 
bing,) What  the  deuse  are  you  doing  now? 

Caesar,  I tole  you  in  a moment.  No.  2.  I am  scour- 
ing de  country  round.  I look  in  Massa  Johnson  for  scour, 
and  I find  him  ; and  Massa  Johnson  i»ay,  “ to  scour’*  am  to 
make  clean.  I say,  massa,  if  I keep  on  you’ll  have  to  buy 
a few  more  scrubbin’  brushes. 

Jumb,  A few  more  devils  ! 

Caesar,  No,  massa,  dere’s  enuf  ob-  dem  in  de  house 
now. 

Jumb,  I didn’t  mean  you  to  scrub  the  whole  farm  over. 
This  blundering  rascal  will  drive  me  crazy.  Caesar,  have 
you  hired  those  five  hands  I told  you  to  ? 

Caesar,  Yes,  massa. 

Jumh.  Where  are  they? 


MISHAPS  OP  CiESAR  CRUM. 

Caesar.  Down  by  de  barn. 

Jumh.  Go  tell  them  to  come  here,  so  I may  see  if  they 
arc  all  right. 

Gaesar,  Yes,  massa  ! I golly  ! I t’ink  I am  all  right 
dis  time.  £xit  l.2.e. 

Jumh.  That  man  will  have  me  in  a lunatic  asylum,  if  he 
only  keeps  on. 

Be-enter  Caesar,  e.2.e.,  followed  hy  three  wen.  One  ha^ 

only  071  e arin. 

Gaesar.  Here  dem  is,  massa  ! 

Jicmh.  Very  well,  Caesar.  Let  me  see  them.  {Exam^ 
ines first  tioo.)  Ah!  they  will  de  very  well.  {Gomes  to 
third.)  Why,  Caesar,  what  have  you  got  here?  This 
man  has  only  one  arm. 

Gaesar.  Dat’s  right  dis  time,  massa ! 

Jumh.  Didn’t  I tell  you  to  hire  me  live  hands  to  help  you 
dig  the  ditch. 

Gaesar.  Dat  am  de  fac’. 

Ju7nh.  And  here  you  have  brought  me  only  three,  and 
one  of  them  has  only  one  arm. 

Caesar.  Didn’t  you  tole  me  to  go  an’  hire  five  hands  to 
help  dig  out  de' ditch? 

Jumh.  I most  certainly  did. 

Caesar.  Well,  ain’t  de  fust  man  got  two  hands?  Ain’t 
de  second  man  got  two  hands?  ain’t, dat  four  hands?  Den 
dere’s  de  feller  wid  only  one  arm  and  one  hand  ; don’t  dat 
make  five  bands?  I had  to  go  away  down  to  de  hospital 
for  dat  man. 

Jumh.  Was  ever  a poor  man  so  tormented  by  a d— n 
blundering  jackass  as  I am?  Ctiesar,  you  may  keep  tlio 
first  two  men,  and  send  the  one-armed  man  about  bus(-  ' 
ness. 

Gaesar.  Say,  mas.^a,  de  poor  man  wid  one  arm  hab  got 
wife  and  little  picaninny ; gib  him  a stamp,  ! 

Jmrih.  No,  I won’t ! 

Gaesar.  ' Den  gib  him  two  stamps  I 

. Jwfph.  No!  r 


MISHA OK*  Cif&SAR  CRUIH 


Caesar. 

hnA^ 

Jymh. 


Den  say  no  more  about  it,  aiul  gib  ii 


I won’t, 


Do  as  I have  bid  yon. 

Exit  tTumlles^ 

CoB&ar,  Como  here,  poor  man  ; I don’t  despise  you  ’co.7 
you’s  poor ; no  indeedy.  Dere’s  a quarter  for 
when  you  get  anudder  arm  I’ll  gib  you  job.  (Exit^  L.,  the 
vian  with  one  arm.)  Now  you  two  fellers  go  down  an’  dig 
out  de,  ditch,  an’  all  de  mineralological  skerpecimens  you 
find,  just  trow  ’em  one  side,  cos  massa  wants  dem  for  his 
cabinet.  {Exeunt  hvo  men.,  r.)  Holloa!  here  comes  dat' 
ole  woman  what  I tied  up  di.s  mornin’.  ^ 


Enter  Hannah,  d.l.  > 

Han.  I wonder  where  dat  nigga  man  is  ; I want  him  to 
go  down  to  Mr.  Simpkins,  de  manglores,  and  get  dese  ’ere  '** 
clothes  manglued.  {Turns  and  sees  him,')  Ah!  here  you  , 
am. 

Caesar.  Yes,  here  I is. 

Han,  Caesar,  will  you  do  me  a favor  ? 

Caesar,  What  am  it? 

Han.  Just  take  dis  box  down  to  Mr.  Simpkins,  and  hab 
de  t’ings  manglued. 

Caesar.  How  much  ycu  gib  me? 

Han.  Gib  you  ? 

Caesar.  Yes  ; dat’s  de  first  point  in  dis  game.  Can’t 
go  way  down  dere  for  nuffin’. 

Han,  I’ll  gib  you  a shillin’. 

Caesar,  Gib  me  two  shillin’s  and  I’ll  go. 

^ Han.  {Aside.)  Did  anybody  eber  see  such  an  uncon- 
ciense  nigga?  {Aloud.)  Well,  Caesar,  here  am  a half 
dollar  ; gib  me  the  change. 

Caesar.  Let  me  see  if  it  am  good.  Yes,  dat’s  good  \ 
gib  me  de  box. 

Han.  Gib  me  my  change. 

Caesar.  Dis  am  right. 

Han.  No,  it  aren’t.  You  must  gib  me  two  shiiliu’s 
change. 

■ ■ 'Si 

■'s; 


10 


MISHAPS  OP  C^SAlt  CfiOM* 


Caesars,  What  for  ?- 

Han,  Didn’t  I gib  you  half  dollar  ? 

Caesar,  Yes,  indeedy ! 

Han,  Didn’t  I promise  you  half  of  it  for  ial^ing  box 
to  Mr.  Simpkins? 

Caesar,  I say,  ole  womans,  you  don’t  s'poge  Fg  going  to 
bring  de  box  back  for  nullin’,  docs  you  ? 

Han,  O,  you  sassafras  nigga  I {E^H  Hannah,^  d.l. 

Caesar,  I golly  I I made  half  a dollar  out  of  dat  ole 
woman.  Now  I got  to  take  deso  tings  down  to  Mr.  Simp- 
kins^ and  get  dem  manglued.  Mangliied !”  what  de 
dickens  am  manglued?  hab  to  look  in  “ Massa  Johnson.” 
{Finds  it.)  “ Manglure,  to  tear  to  pieces.”  Manglure  am 
to  tear  to  pieces.  I golly,  I manglure  ’em.  (Takes  dress^ 
apron^  dbc.^  out  and  tears  them,)  Dem  t’ings  is  manglued, 
d- — n well  manglued  too  ; better  dan  old  Simpkins  could  do 
dem.  Holloa?  here  comes  ole  massa. 

{Business  of  putting  things  in  hox, 

Ee-enter  Jumbles,  r. 

Jumb,  Caesar,  where  are  you  going  ! 

Caesar,  I’se  just  gwane  to  take  dese  t’ings  dOwn  to  Mr. 
Simpson’s  de  pawnbroker’s. 

Jumb,  The  pawnbroker’s? 

Caesar,  I mean  Mr.  Simpkins,  de  manglures.  I t’ink 
I’ll  go  in  dat  business  myself. 

Jumb,  Caesar,  come  here  ?* 

Caesar.  Yes,  massa.  ^ 

Jumb.  Caesar,  do  you  know  where  there  are  any  pretty 
women  that  would  like  to  get  married  ? 

Caesar.  O,  yes,  massa  ; 1 knows  lots.  Dere’s  Dina  de 
washwoman ; and  Lucy  Long,  de  whitewash  woman — 
and 

Jumb,  I don’t  want  any  washerwomen.  I want  a 
handsome  wmman,  with  red  lips,  black  eyes,  black  hair,  &c. 

Caesar.  Now  I know  what  you  Avant.  Yon  Avant  a 
womans  Avid  one  eye,  red  hair,  chocolate  face 

J L >ib.  no,  no  ! I Avant  a young  woman  with  pretty 


MISIIAPM  CRDM* 


Jl 


) ./ 


eyes,  aud  black  luiir,  and  - well,  something  iiic« 

Gaeaar.  O,  now  1 kno^v  1 You  want  some  pret«j  . * 
womens  ; well,  how  many,  half  a dozen? 

, JumK  No,  only  one, 

Caesar,  Oh  ! You  only  want  one  pretty  woman,  wid 

blaek  eyes,  black  hair 

Jumh.  Yes,  that^s  it. 

Eed  lips  ? 

Yes,  yes.! 

One  lesr? 


Caesar, 

Jumh, 

Caesar, 

Jumh, 

Caesar, 

Jumh, 


No,  no  ; two  legs  ! 

O,  two  legs  and  one  arm. 

No,  two  arms  ; now  you  bring  me  a wife  and  Fll 
give  you  fifty  dollars. 

Caesar,  Massa,  don’t  you  t’ink  you  better  put  dat  down 
on  paper? 

Jumh,  Well,  follow  me,  and  I’ll  give  it  to  you  in  writ- 
ing. (Mx't  Ji.cmhlcSyU, 

Caesar,  Massa  wahts  a wife,  and  he  gii>s  me  fifty  dollars 
to  get  him  one  ; golly,  I know  many  men  would  give  a hnn-- 
dred  dollars  to  get  rid  of  deirs.  Let’s  see — black  checks, 
red  eyes,  black  lips,  red  hair,  and  only  one  leg  1 Ha,  ha, 
ha  ! Come  alcng,  ole  ban’box  ! {Exit  Caesar  u. 


Scene  III. — A Chamher^  2 G. 

Enter  JuivrBLKS,  ii, 

Jumh,  I wonder  where  Caesar  keeps  himself  all  this  time  ; 
he  promised  to  be  back  in  an  hour,  and  he  has  been  gone 
three.  I wonder  where  he  can  be.  (Caesar  heard  singing 
tuithout  L.)  Ah  ! here  he  is  at  last. 

Elder  Caesar,  l. 

Well,  Caesar,  have  you  done  what  I desired  you? 

Caesar,  Yes.  massa. 


13 


MISHAP.^  CvfeSAR  CRUM. 


Jumb.  Ai'id  iha\’e  you  obtained  a ^vife  for  me? 

Caesar,  Yes,  miissa. 

Jiimh,  Where  is  she? 

Caesar,  Down-sta’rs,  She  ciim’d  to  de  door,  and  axe^ 
for  you,  and  I tole  her  you  was  up-sta’rs  ; an’  she  said  she 
wanted  to  see  you.  Den  I seed  her  pretty  face,  an’  I ax 
her  if  she  had  any  dejections  to  de  matrimonium  slipnooser- 
um,  an’  she  said  no.  Den  I tole  as  how  my  massa  was  bery 
anxiouserum  for  a wife,  and  dat  you  would  die  bery  soon 
and  leabe  her  all  your  dimes . 

Jumb,  And  did  she  say  she  Avould  have  me? 

Caesar,  Yes,  indeedy. 

Juiub.  (k.)  O,  where  is  she?  O,  how  I long  to  em- 
brace the  charmer. 

Caesar,  (l.)  I go  an’  fotch  her  to  you  now  ; don’t  get 
^cited,  ’cos  you  might  scare  de  young  womans.  ( Caesar  goes 
to  L.H.I.E.,  and  brings  on  Mrs.  Jumbles  closely  veiled,^  and 
takes  her  over  to  Jumbles,^  Here  she  am  ! 

Jumb,  Allow  me  to  raise  the  veif  that  covers  your  fair 
face,  and  let  me  gaze  on  its  beauty  ! {Raises  veil.)  Great 
heavens  ! My  wife  ! 

Mrs,  J.  Yes,  sir,  your  wife,  whom  you  thought  drowned  ! 
Although,  'when  the  boat  upset,  you  did  leave  me  to  the 
mercy  of  the  waves,  there  were  some  'vyho  had  mercy  enough 
to  rescue  me ! I have  lain  ill  for  months,  and  you  thought 
and  hojged  I was  dead.  But  you  see  {with  determination)  I 
have  come  back. 

Jumb.  So  I perceive. 

Caesar.  I say,  massa,  de  ole  woman’s  come  back  ; dere’ll 
be  some  ha’r  pullin’  if  you  don’t  walk  straight  now. 

Enter  Fleecem,  l. 

Mr,  F.  Good  afternoon,  Mr.  Jumbles.  I called  to  finish 
up  that  little  bit  of  business. 

Caesar.  Dat’s  all  knocked  in  de  head  ; de  ole  woman’" 
turi'ic<l  up.  ( Points  to  Mrs,  Jumbles, 

Mr.  F.  (l.)  What!  Mrs.  Jumbles? 

Cc.(r.ar.  (e.)  Here  she  am.  Here’s  no  humbug  dere. 


0 


13 


MISHA OF  CMSAR  CKl  > 


J^hifrr  Hannah,  u. 


{Throws  handhox  at 


Han.  What  am  dis?  All  my  Sunday  go  to  moctinV^ 
tored  lip! 

Caesar.  Didn’t  you  lole  me  to  get  dem  manglu^d?  I 
look  in  Massa  Johnson  for  manglue,  and  Massa  Johnson 
say,  manglue  am  to  tear  to  pieces  ; dere  dey  is  manglued, 
an’  cl — n well  manglued  dey  is  too.  I won’t  charge  } >a 
nuflin’  for  dis  job,  ’cos  Ise  just  started  in  de  business  ; but 
de  nex’  lob  I’ll  charge  you  by  de  piece. 

Han.  Git  out,  you  ugly  ole  rhinocerhos ! 

Caesar.  I t’ink  I got  de  best  ob  dat  ole  woman. 

Jumh.  {To  Mrs.  Jumhles.)  Can  you  forgive  me? 

Mrs.  J.  Everything  is  forgiven, 

(Mr,  and  Mrs.  Jumhles  embrace.^  Caesar  embraces  Hannah^ 
who  boxes  his  ears  and  pushes  'him  away. 

Han.  Git  out,  you  omniferous  brack  rascal ! 

Caesar.  {To  Jumbles.)  Massa,  I beliebe  I hab  a small 
bill  against  you  for  fifty  dollars.  {Pulls  paper  out  of  shoe. 

Jumb.  I don’t  know  nothing  about  it,  and  I sha’n’t  pay 


it. 


Caesar.  {Crosses  to  Fleecem.)  Massa,  how  am  dati 
Mr.  F.  That  is  all  right,  Caesar.  If  he  does  not  pay  it, 
sue  him.  Can  I consider  myself  retained  for  the  plaintiff? 

Jumb.  Never  mind,  I’ll  pay  it,  and  tlren  get  out  of  my 
house  ! To  get  rid  of  you,  any  price  is  cheap, 

Caesar.  Den  s’posin’  you  make  dis  a t’ousaii*.  {Jwrrc 
hies  shakes  his  head.)  Den  you  doesn’t  want  my  waluable 
serwices  any  longer? 

Jumb.  No,  I do  not! 

Caesar.  Well,  Ise  independent ; I discharges  you— I 
looks  down  on  you  wid  disgust ! I say,  ole  woman,  don’t 
you  want  somebody  to  manglue  your  dresses?  boxes 

his  ears.)  Pat’s  a bery  strikin’  proof  she  doesn’t.  Won’t 
none  ob  you  gib  me  somet’ing  to  do  ? 


14. 


mSHAFS.  OF  C#^^aR  CBO^f. 


Omm$,  No! 

Cmsar.  { To  audiente.)  CanH  Ob  dcS^  kind  “^hite 
folks  gib  a poor  niggah  sOmefing  to  do  ? Den  you  all  may 

go  to  de neber  mind  where  ; an’  if  dese  kind  friends 

will  only  encourage  me  in  my  labors,  dey’ll  always  find  a 
willin’  servant  in  C^SAR  CRUM. 


NEW  YEAK’S' 


^ IJopnlar 


A8  PERVOBMED  AT 


GRIFFIK  & CHRISTY’S  MINSTRELS, 


Fifth  Avenue  Opera  House^  New  York* 


ABBREVIATED  AND  ADAPTED  TO  THE  USE  OF  SMALL  C0MPANIBS| 


BY  G.  W.  H.  GRIFFIN. 


Manager  Fifth  Avenue  Opera  Houat. 


NEW  YORK? 

HAPPY  HOURS  COMPANY, 
No.  1 CuASCBEsa  SiaB£X. 


CHARACIERS— [NEW  YEAR’S  CALLS.] 


Augustus  Highflyer A dead  beat. 

Augustus  Trueman A mecliaiiic. 

Peter  Day .A  simple  boy,  full  of  miscliief. 

Mi\  Planeioell A carpenter. 

Mrs,  Day * * .A  widow. 

Lucinda  Day Her  daughter. 

Bootblack. 

His  Assistant. 


Skaters,  Sliders,  Riders,  etc.,  all  on  in  the  last ‘scene. 


RELATIVE  POSITIONS,  EXITS,  &C. 

R.,  means  Right ; L.,  Left ; R.  H.,  Right  Hand  \ L.  H.,  Left 
Hand ; C.,  Centre  5 S.  E.,  (or  2d  E.,)  Second  Entrance ; H.  E., 
Upper  Entrance;  M.  D.,  Middle  Door;  F.,  the  Flat;  D.  F.^ 
Door  in  Flat ; R.  C.,  Right  of  Centre ; L.  C.  Left  of  Centre. 

R.  R.  C.  C.  L.  C.  L. 

The  reader  is  supposed  to  be  upon  the  Stage,  facing  the  audience. 


SCENE  I. — Kitchen  at  Widow  Day’s  House  ; practical  staircase^ 

R.  E.  Table  spread  for  hrealfast^  at  lohicli  is  seated  the 

Widow,  gnaioing  a bone — Lucikda  standing  l.  of  table^  trying 

to  gather  up  the  dishes, 

Lucinda  Oh,  mudder  ! I wish  you  would  finish  your  breakfast ! 
dar’s  so  much  to  do  before  we  can  dress  to  receive  calls. 

Widow  Don’t  be  in  such  a hurry  ! my  teeth  ain’t  quite  as  good 
as  they  used  to  be. 

Lwc  But  you  have  been  gnawing 'at  dat  bone  for  the  last  ten 
minutes.  I do  wish  you’d  finish. 

Wid  Well ! well!  dar,  I’m  done;  dear  me,  such  is  life. 

Luc  But  why  don’t  that  lazy  boy  Peter  come  down  stairs. 
\Calls  up  stairs.^  Peter!  Peter! 

Wid  Yes,  I wonder  dat  de  boy  ainit  up,  he  was  so  disappointed 
Christmas  morning,  when  he  found  his  stocking  empty ; kase  I 
didn’t  git  my  money  time  enough  to  buy  him  Santa  Claus, 
dat  I told  him  dat  if  he  hang  up  his  stocking  again  last  night  I’d 
see  dat  he  got  something  nice,  and  I know  dat  he  reckons  a good 
deal  on  it;  he’ll  be  tickled  to  defl‘when  he  see’s  what  he’s  got. 

Luc  [Aside,']  I guess  he’d  tickle  me  if  he  know’d  what  I had 
done. 

Wid  Yah ! yah ! de  poor  fellow  seemed  to  think  dat  his 
stocking  wouldn’t  be  big  enough,  so  he  tied  up  de  bottoms  of 


3s'EW  YEAH-S  CALLS. 


the  legs  of  his  trowsers  and  hung  dem  up ; he  said  it  was  better 
to  have  too  much  room,  dan  not  room  enough — such  is  life. 
[Peter  cries  outside^  What  de  debbil  is  de  matter  now ! 

[Peter  appears  on  stairs^  crying  violently^  and  decends^  dressed  in 
long  night-goivn^  arid  a large  night-cap  on  his  head ; carries  a 
pair  of  troicsers  with  the  bottoms  of  the  legs  tied  tip  toith  a string^ 
(snd  filled  fidL 

Wid  Why,  what’s  de  matter  wid  you  ! What’s  de  matter? 
Peter  Santa  Claus’s — ^boo — hoo — hoo — 

\Stand8  trowers  on  the  end  of  legs  j they  stand  alone, 

Wid  Why,  I never  filled  dem  dat . way  I What  has  Santa 
Glaus  sent  you  ? 

Pet  [Taking  out  a sioitch,]  A Switch — ^boo — ^hoo — ^hoo — 

Wid  What  next  ? 

Pei  Onions — ^boo — hoo — ^hoo— 

Ltic  Now  you  can  always  have  tears  in  your  eyes. 

Wid  Pat’s  strange,  what  next  ? 

Pet  Taters  and  turnips — boo — hoo — ho — 

Wid  Don’t  cry,  my  child,  is  dar  anything  else  ? 

Pet  Cabbages.  Boo — ^hoo — hoo. 

Luc  He  thought  you  was  fond  of  kole-slaugh. 

Wid  Lucinda,  hold  your  tongue.  Ain’t  dar  noffin’  else  ? 

Pet  Yes.  Boo — ^hoo — ^hoo.  [Puts  his  hand  down  to  the  bottom  of 
one  of  the  legSj  expecting  to  find  some  vegetable — his  face  brightens^ 
as  he  draws  out  a pair  of  skates,]  Yah — ^yah — ^yah ! Bern’s  de  fel- 
lers, now — won’t  I keep  New  Years ! 

Wid  I suppose  dat’s  all. 

Pet  I’ll  see,  mammy  I 

[Puts  his  hand  in  other  leg,^  and  feels  about — his  face  lengthens — 
he  dr  axes  out  his  haxid  xoith  a lot  of  smashed  eggs. 

Eggs.  Boo — hoo — hoo — [Lucinda  laughs, 

Wid  Ah,  Lucinda,  clat’s  some  ob  your  works.  You’re  always 
playing  tricks  on  that  boy. 

' : Pet  Lucinda  did  it  7 — den  I’ll  show  her  how  to  beat  eggs. 

[Peter  rums  after  her ; she  dodges  roun  % and  rn^akes  for  the  door, 
Peter  follvns,^  leaping  o '^er  hfeakfast  table. 


SCENE  II.— /f  Slrect. 


Enter  Augustus  Highflyer,  l. 


High  Let  me  see,  where  shall  I make  my  first  call  this  morn 
ing  ? [Ta/ics  out  journal  and  reads,  | Let  me  see — C.  G.  Gunther — 
t’won’t  do  to  cull  on  him  so  early  in  the  morning ; he’ll  thinl  I 
come  after  election  mone}^  John  Giles,  II.  W.  Ueecher, 
Con.  Orem,  Patsey  Marie}",  S.  D.  Kehoe,  all  gcmtlemen  of  the 
first  water.  Now  if  I could  only  borrow  5 cents  to  get  my  boots 
blacked,  1 think  I could  venture  to  call  on  Lucinda  Day.  I 
wish  I could  be  lucky  enough  to  marry  her,  for  then  I’d  certainly 
be  sure  of  my  board  for  the  rest  of  the  winter ; but  then  there’s 
that  dirty  mechanic,  Trueman,  liovering  around  her  all  the  time, 
and  I do  think  she  likes  him  too.  However,  I know  she  can’t 
stand  my  elegant  appearance  this  morning.  She  must  consent  to 
be  mine.  Har  comes  that  Trueman,  now  ! 


Enter  True.uan. 


Ah  ! good  morning,  Trueman  ! 

Tru  Good  morning,  Orang  Outang. 

High  I say,  Trueman,  you  are  full  of  fun  this  morning.  I sup- 
pose you  are  out  making  the  usual  calls  on  the  ladies. 

Tnie  Well,  sir,  I intend  making  a few.  I suppose  your  inten- 
tions are  the  same. 

High  Yes,  I expect  to  treat  the  dear  ladies  wid  de  sight  of 
one  of  the  noblest  lords  cf  creation,  and  perhaps  send  a dart  or 
two  from  Cupid’s  bow  into  some  cf  their  hearts,  but  then  they  nil. 
fade  away  and  sink  into  oblivion  when  I think  of  my  dear  futiw 
wife,  Lucinda  Day. 

True  [Aside.]  The  miserable  wretch  ! I’d  like  to  smother  him 
in  his  own  whiskers  ! 

High  Trueman,  can  you  tell  me  why  modest  mechanics  like 
yourself  are  like  an  echo  ? 

Trtie  No,  sir. 


6 NEW  year’s  CALLS; 

High  Then  I’ll  tell  you  : it’s  because  you  never  speak  until 
you  are  spoken  to.  Ha  ! ha  I ha  ! 

True  Can  you  tell  me  why  that  suit  of  clothes  which  you  have 
on  (which  you  have  borrowed  from  some  one)  is  like  a menagerie  1 
High  Really  I cannot. 

Tr%i€  Then  I’ll  tell  you  why  your  suit  of  clothes  is  like  a men- 
agerie : because  there  is  a monkey  in  iL 

Knocks  High’s  hat  over  his  face^  and  exit^  R. 

Enter  Bootblack. 

Boot  Black  yer  boots,  sir  ? 

High  Yes,  my  son.  Black  ’em  nice. 

[Boy  polishes  one^  then  asks  for  the  pay.  High  tells  him  he  has 
left  his  pocket-book  at  home — he  loillpay  him  to-morrow.  Boy  says 
all  right — VU  fix  him^  runs  to  entrance  and  halloos — Hey^  Johi'- 
ny^  (Johnny  comes)  go  down  to  the  new  buildings,^  and  get  me 
some  slacked  lime.  Boy  gets  it^  then  both  exit,^  r. 


SCENE  111,— Parlor'  at  Mrs.  Day’s.  Set  d.oor^  r.  e.  Table  spread, 
Lucinda  and  Peter  discovered,  Peter  stealing  things  from 
the  table, 

Luc  Peter,  go  away  from  tlie  table. 

Pet  There  was  a fly  on  the  cake. 

Luc  Now  that’s  a story,  Peter,  because  there  ain’t  any  fliei* 
now,  they  are  all  gone. 

Pet  Then  it  was  a musquito.  [Bell  rings,,  r.J  There’s  j^noth* 
er  call.  [Goes  to  door  then  reHhrnt  with 

Enter  Mr.  Planewell^ 

Plan  Ah  ! Lucinda,  happy  New  Year  to  you. 

Luc  Thank  you. 

Plan  Peter,  my  boy,  the  same  to  you. 

Pet  I ain’t  your  boy,  I’m  my  muddePa  boy.  , ^ 

...A 


NF.W  fEAIl’iS  CALLS. 


7 


Plan  But  you  may  bo.  One  of  theao  days  I ; i “■  onr  fii- 
tlier. 

Pet what  a lookiu"  fader  you’d  be. 

Luc  Hush,  Peter!  (to  and  call  miidJer.  [Pktcr  exits.  \ 
down,  Mr.  Planowell.  [Tr/m  chair.']  Mudder  will  be  down^Sj 
rectly — it  looks  very  much  like  a storm.  ^ 

Plan  Yes,  I think  we’ll  have  sleighing  before  night. 

[He  sits  down  and  places  his  hat  on  the  floor  beside  him. 

Enter  PtiTJCR. 

Pet  Here  comes  mudder  ! 

Enter  W mow. 

Wid  Good  morning,  Mr  Planewell  I 

Plan  [Risma,]  Good  morning,  Mrs.  Day — a happy  new  year 
to  you ! 

Wid  Thank  you  ! I wish  you  a thousand  ! 

Pet  Oh,  what  a looking  old  rat  he’d  be  if  he  was  a thousand 
years  old.  Oh,  mudder,  I know  something. 

Wid  Well,  what  do  you  know,  Peter  ? 

Pet  Old  Planewell  says  sometime  he’s  going  to  be  my  father. 

Wid  Hush  your  .tongue,  you  naughty  bqy.  Lucinda,  take 
Peter  into  de  kitchen.  Go,  Peter,  then  you  can  play  Santa 
Claus ; that’s  a good  boy. 

Pet  Can  I,  though  ? then  I’ll  be  Santa  Claus,  and  bring  Mr. 
Planewell  something  good.  both  exit. 

Plan  I have  now  the  opportunit}-  of  ascertaining  whether  I can 
let  the  beams  of  my  love  into  the  wall  of  her  heart.  [ Business 
with  handkerchief.]  My  dear  Widow,  as  dis  is  de  beginning  of  a 
new  year,  I feel  dat  I ought  to  relieve  my  mind  from  de  sawdust 
of  uncertainty  which  h£^  so  long  oppressed  it. 

Wid  I do  believe  de  ole  man  is  going  to  speak  out  at  last. 

Plan  In  vain  I have  tried  to  forget  you,  but  remembrance  of 
you  kept  up  such  a hammering  dat  it  was  impossible ; give,  then, 
your  consent,  and  let  us  be  joined  in  de  bonds  of  matrimony. 

[During  this  speech  Peter  has  slipped  in  and  put  a large  pie€e<  qfl  . 

pumpkin  pie  in  Plane  well’s  hat^  saying-^  ^ 


8 


NEW  VEAR’s  calls. 


Pet  There’s  your  Santa  Claus ! [Slips  off  again. 

Wid  [In  great  agitation.}  Qh\  oh!  dis  is  so  sudden!  so — dat 
— dat — I —but  such  is  life ! [Fgints. 

Plan  Ah,  she  faints ! what  shall  I do ! 

[Reaches  down^  takes  handkerchief  from  his  hat  with  the  pumpkin 
pie  in  it  and  smashes  it  all  over  her  face.  Peter  appears. 

Pet  Oh  ! you’ve  knocked  my  mudder’s  brains  out ! 

[AU  nt/n  about  in  great  confusion.  Peter  gets  sauce-pan^  and  just 
as  Plane  WELL  exclaims. 

Plan  Where’s  my  hat ! 

[Peter  strikes  him  over  the  head  with  pan. 
Pet  Here’s  you  hat ! 

[Planewell  rushes  off  with  pan  on  his  head^  very  angry^  l. 
'YliJiovf  rushes  off  Jki 

Luc  I wonder  what  it  was  on  mother’s  face. 

Pet  I don’t  know,  it  looked  like  a pumpkin  poultice.  [Bell 
rings^  l.]  There’s  another  call.  [Looks  off.]  It’s  that  monkey 
with  the  wig  on  his  face.  [Peter  lets  him  in. 

^ Enter  Highflyer.  , 

High  De-  compliments  of  de  season  to  one  of  the  loveliest  of 
her  sex. 

Pet  How  do  you  do,  sir  1 Happy  New  Year ! 

[They  shake  hands.  Peter  puts  pumpkin  pie  in  his  hand. 
Luc  Peter,  will  you  take  Mr.  Highflyer’s  hat  and  cane  ? 

Pet  Of  course  I will. 

Luc  Pray,  sit  do^\m,  Mr.  Highflyer.  [He  takes  chair  and  brings 
it  down  stage.  Peter  slips  hat  in  chair ^ and  Highflyer  sits  up- 
on  it.]  Pray,  sit  down  again,  Mr.  Highflyer ; don’t  let  such  a lit- 
tle event  ruffle  you. 

High  I’m  not  at  all  ruffled — it’s  my  hat  that’s  ruffled — 

Luc  Have  you  made  many  calls  ? 

High  This  is  my  first.  Have  you  received  many  1 
Luc  Oh,  yes ; quite  a number.  [Bell  rings. 


KKw  Year’s  calls* 


9 


Pet  Tliero’s  another  call.  [Goes  off  and  comes  on  im  Hakli/,] 
Oh,  yea  ; it’s  Mr.  Trueman. 

Hijh  Mr.  Trueman,  I’ll  pay  him  off  Jfor  that  insult  this  in  . 
iiig.  ' “ 

Enter  Tuueman* 

Pet  Happy  New  Year,  Mr.  Trueman. 

True  Thank  you,  Peter.  There’s  something  for  you  to  keep 
the  holidays  with.  [Gives  money. 

Pet  That’s  the  chap  for  me. 

True  Good  morning,  Miss  Lucinda;  the  compliments  of  the 
season  to  you. 

Luo  Thank  you.  Y^ou  are  acquainted  with  Mr.  Highflyer,  are 
you  not  1 

True  I am  sorry  to  say  I am,  slightly  acquainted  with  him. 

Luc  I presume  you  gentlemen  will  have  a grand  time  upon  the 
ice  this  afternoon.  Mr.  Highl]3’er,  I understand  you  are  an  excel- 
lent skater. 

High  Yes,  Lucinda, H excel  in  that  graceful  amusement,  but  I 
indulge  very  little,  on  account  of  meeting  upon  the  ice  so  many 
low,  groveling  mechanics. 

True  [Start  mg  tip, 'I  Yes,  sir,  but  the  low,  groveling  mechanic, 
as  you  call  him,  cairns  the  bread  he  eats,  *and  does  not  swindle  it 
out  of  poor  widows  Yvho  keep  boarding  houses. 

High  [Rushing  over  to  him,\  Do  you  mean  that  for  me,  sir  ? 

True  Yes,  sir,  I mean  that  for  you. 

Luc  Oh,  dear ! I must  stop  this.  [ Goes  up  to  stop  it. 

High  Don’t  be  alarmed,  Miss  Lucinda,  Prn  here,  [/isa 

Luc  Gentlemen,  won’t  you  try  some  refreshments? 

Pet  [To  HiGiiFLYEn.]  Yes,  Old  Dundreary,  you  better  eat 
while  you  have  a chance,  ’cause  the  free-lunch  houses  are  all  clos- 
ed to-day, 

[ They  all  go  to  the  tahle^  and  Lucinda  helps  them  to  plaj^es^ 

Luc  Take  a seat,  Mr,  Highflyer. 

[Peter  brings  in  tub^  and  sits  it  in  chair.  Highflyer  sil% 


10 


NEW,  year’s  calls. 


SCENE  IV.— 

Enter  Highflyer  with  coat  tails  under  his  arms. 

High  Confound  that  boy,  I’ll  get  even  with  him  yet ; if  I catch 
him  on  the  ice  I’ii  shove  him  through  and  drown  the  brute. 

[Ritshes  off. 

Enter  Peter  ^oith  box  on  his  shoulder ^ containing  a large  anaconda^ 
puts  it  down  on  stage  and  sits  on  it. 

Pet  Golly,  I’s  in  luck  to  day,  shure — de  man  tole  me  if  I’d 
take  this  box,  wid  de  big  snake  in  it,  down  to  Barnum’s  Musum, 
he'd  give  me  a dollar ; so  I got  de  dollar  in  advance,  and  now  I’m 
going  to  take  it  down  to  Barnum’s. 

[Enter  Boy  loith  skates — business  with  Boy — gets  him  to  lend  him 
skates.  While  he  is  putting  on  skates^  the  snake  bites  him^  and  he 
rushes  all  over  the  stagc.^  at  last  runs  off. 


SCENE  Y .--Skating  Pond. 

All  discovered.  Some  skating others  sliding ihroioing  snow-halls^ 
and  having  a good  time  generally.  Peter  rushes  on  with  snake 
still  attached  to  his  behind.  Great  consternation. 


THE  END, 


AB  PEBrOBMED  BY 


GRIFFIN  & CHRISTY’S  MINSTRELS. 


ABBANGED  FOB  PUBLICATION  BY 

G.  W.  H.  GRIFFIN, 

Author  of  “Jack’s  tue  Lad;”  “Les  Misebables;”  “Rooms  to  Let  without 
Boabdj”  “Black  Crook  Burlesque;”  “Camille;”  “Shylock,”  &c.,  &a 


NE77  YORK : 

HAPPY  HOUU",  CvOMPAXY, 

No.  1 CHAHiiLiia  Street. 


CHARAGTERS.— r^oBODT’s  Son.] 


Artemua  Buz  , . 
Jemim  Fluticus 


Mr.  G.  W.  H.  Griffin. 
“ Geo.  Christy. 


V 


“NOBODY’S  SON.” 


SCENE— J Wood. 

Enter  Artemus  Buz,  r.u.e.,  long  white  coat — slouched  ha^ — and 

large  carpet’-hag . 

Artemus  Here  I am,  just  arrived  from  California  ! in  search  of 
talent.  lama  “Theatrical  Manager,”  and  they  told  me  if  I 
would  come  to  the  “ States  ” and  engage  a first-rate  light  cpme- 
dian  to  play  second  to  my  heavy  tragedy,  I could  make  plenty 
of  “ expemes;'*'^  but  where  can  I find  an  aspiring  youth  who  will 
undertake  the  trip  for  a very  small  salary  \ ah  ! who  comes  here  ? 
\Enter  Jemius  Fluticus,  l.  1.  e.,  half -starved. ^ Now,  there’s  a 
fine-looking  youth  ! and  just  the  figure  for  the  stage  5 I wonder 
if  I couldn’t  engage  him  for  California,  he  look-  Iih*>  a “Cayota” 
on  a lark.  [Approaching.]  Young  man,  are  you  in  search  of  em- 
ployment ? 

Jemi  That’s  just  what  I was  looking  for  ! 

Arte  Well,  sir,  I am  a theatrical  manager,  from  California,  in 
search  of  a young  man  to  play  second  comedy  to  my  tragedy  i 
now  if  you  think  you  can  do  it,  your  fortune’s  made. 


4 


NOBODY’S  SON. 


Jemi  Oh,  I can  do  it,  sure ; IVe  been  connected  with  theatres 
for  the  last  two  years. 

Arte  Good ! then  you  are  just  the  man  I’m  looking  for ; what 
business  have  you  been  doing  in  the  theatre  ? 

Jemi  I’ve  been  porting  bills,  and  distributing  programmes — 

Arte  Well,  there’s  assurance ! however,  I’ll  think  he’ll  do ; for  a 
man  who  can  post  bills,  and  distribute  programmes  in  a legiti- 
mate theatre  in  New  York,  certainly  ought  to  be  able  to  play  a 
“ star”  engagement  in  California.  Young  man,  consider  yourself 
under  arrest — excuse  me,  sir,  I m^an  under  engagement. 

Jemi  Well,  sir  ! what  do  I get? 

Arte  Sir ! the  young  man  who  looks  for  salary  in  his  profession, 
will  never  rise  to  any  distinction ; I’ll  tell  you  what  I’ll  do  for 
you,  I’ll  launch  out  your  name  in  large  letters  on  the  posters, 
you’ll  become  a favorite  of  the  people,  you’ll  be  praised  and  flat- 
tered by  the  “ press,”  (if  you  ever  get  money  enough  to  pay  for 
it,)  then,  at  the  end  of  the  “season,”  I’ll  give  you  a “ benefit,” 
my  boy  ! a benefit. 

Jemi  What’s  that,  is  it  good  to  eat  ? 

Arte  No,  no,  my  boy  I a benefit  is  the  “ antidote  ” for  the 
poor  actor’s  poverty;  you  shall  have  your  name  out  in  large 
letters  on  the  bills,  your  friends  will  crowd  around  you  for  tickets, 
you  will  crowd  the  house  from  pit  to  dome,  and  when  the  house 
is  filled,  my  boy ! — ^you  shall  have  all  that  comes  in  afeirwards. 

Jpmi  I’ll  go  it,  come  on ! 

Arte  Hold  on  a minute  ! I have  not  yet  tested  your  abilities; 
I must  see  what  kind  of  a voice  you  have,  and  whether  you  have 
any  talent  for  acting ; in  the  first  place,  what  is  your  name  ? 

Jemi  My  name  is  “ Jemius  Fluticus,”  on  my  father’s  side. 


NOBODY’S  SON. 


6 


Arte  There’fej  a fine  name  for  a thrcc-R’:eet  poster.  H 

of  a Toice  liavc  you  got  ? 

JevU  Oh,  Pvo  got  a scronger;  I can  make  rum  howL 

Arfe  Yes,  3^011  look  like  it ! — but  I’ll  try  3 on,  and  see  what  kind 
of  a voice  3"oii’ve  got ; now  get  over  there,  [Places  him  Now 
I’ll  come  over  and  call  you  a villain  and  a traitor  to  the  state, 
and  3'ou  must  throw  yourself  back  and  call  me  a “ liar,” — now 
look  out.  I’m  coming.  [Sh'ldes  over  to  and  hits  him  tery  hard 
on  the  bach.]  “ Thou  art  a villain  and  a traitor  to  the  state.” 

Jem  I [In  a very  weak  roice.^  scarcely  audible,]  Liar  ! 

Arte  I must  say  that  is  the  sickest  voice  I ever  heard.  You’d 
spoil  any  piece  you  ever  played  in,  if  you  used  such  a voice  as 
that ; now  call  me  a villain  and  a traitor  to  the  state.  I’ll  show 
you  how  to  do  it. 

Jcini  [Goes  over  and  hits  him  on  the  back,]  Thou  art  a villain 
and  a traitor  to  the  “ state-house.” 

Arte  Liar-r-r — 

Jemi  Hold  on ! I didn’t  mean  it. 

Arte  Now  come  here  ! You  see  I’ve  brought  over  a new  tragedy 
fjx)m  Europe,”  and  I’m  going  to  open  it  in  California,  and  ail 
' my  hopes  for  the  future  are  centered  in  the  success  of  the  opening 
night ; w you  ar*  to  play  th*  se<^r.rid  character  in  the  piece, 
and  I want  y ou  to  mcke  a hit.  Now,  I’ll  give  you  an  idea  of  the 
plot,  and  then  we’ll  see  what  you'ean  do  with  it.  You  see,  I am 
a young  man  of  immense  famil}",  the  Son  of  Somebody but  Nobody 
knows  who.  I leave  my  wife  and  children,  and  the  scenes  of  my 
boyhood,  to  wander  in  foreign  lands  in  search  of  wealth,  wliic^ 
is  des^  me  by  ray  paternal  ancestors,  on  account  of  my  marry- 


6 


NOBODY'S  SON. 


mg  a BaU^t  Girl  in  tlie  Black  Crook,  After  years  of  wandering 
tlirough  Jersey^  and  tlie  Holyland^  I have  at  last  returned  to  my 
wife  aCid  children,  with  millions  of  untold  wealth. 

Jemi'  Where  is  it  ? 

Ar^e  Here,  in  this  carpet-bag.  [Jemius  lays  hold  of  the  bag.'^ 
B^ep  yjmr  hands  down!  it’s  only  in  the  play, 

Mw/i  Oh  ! I thought  they  were  in  the  carpet-hag. 

Arte  As  I enter,  you  approach  and  inform  me  that  you  are  my 
Brother^  and  that  your  wife  and  children  are  starving  for  want  of 
food.  I immediately  comprehend  the  situation,  and  tell  you  of 
my  femense  wealth.  Now  then,  conceal  yourself,  anywhere  over 
therey  you’reiiso  black  no  one  could  find  you  5 now  then,  remem- 
ber, you  must  not  take  the  gold  when  I say  here;  but  take  it 
whei^  I say  take  it;  the  whole  effect  of  this  scene  is  in  the  point 
where  I say  take  it;  because,  don’t  you  see,  if  you  take  it  when  I 
8Sby  ^iiere,  you  would  seem  too  avaricious,  and  you  would  not  court 
tine  sympathy  of  the  audience,*  here’s  where  we  get  them  in 
Uer^;  now  let  me  see  you  walk  as  if  you  had  not  eaten  anything 
Isramonth.  [Ji£.yLivs  starts,  of ^ and  walks  very  vigorously,]  No! 

! get  back— you  walk  as  though  you’d  been  fed  on  roast-beef 
md  mush — mow  walk  as  though  you  were  weak  and  starving, 
like  thisr— [ from  l.  to  c.,  then  heaves  a sigh.] — that’s  your 

sigh,  do  you  see  ? keep  your  knees  well  bent,  then  drop  down 
o»  one  knee,  thus,  and  say:  Listen  brother,  to  a moving  tale 
of  woe.  My  wife  and  children  are  starving  for  want  of  food; 
oh,  give  me  gold ! — Now,  get  over  there  again,  and  remember, 
aijtd  keep  up  your  weakness,  or  you’ll  ruin  the  piece  on  the  start. 
jE.uiUS  conceals  himself  behind  wing  l.,  and  Artemus  goes  off 
3 E.  R.,  a/ad 'mmcdiatelv  re-erders  same  entran  e;  looks  around 
as  if  sttrprised  at  fhs  change  so  many  years  of  absence  had 
caused;  afte^  reoAhnmg  0.^  speaks] 


NOlViJiV’S  SON. 


7 


Tlius  far  htvve  I mnrclu-.d  on  the  dusty  road  to  pt?i%  tid 
Ikappiness  ; my  limbs  an  wi'ury  of  well-doing,  and  I riiu.Ht  hie  2 # 
ta  jKone  fiiendl}'^  rock  and  rest ; liark  ! 1 hear  footsteps  approaf'h 
jn|^ on  horseback.  1 will  copceal  myself.  ( To  Jemius.  ) Now  then, 
you  "come  out.  \llolds  car  pet-hag  up  to  his  face  for  concealment.] 
Now  I’m  concealed,  that’s  it.  Keep  your  weakness  well  down^ 
(Jemius  comes  on  from  l.,  and  lohcn  in  c.  of  stag  gives  an  un- 
curlhly  sqrueal;  looking  up  suddenly. \ Good  heavens,  what’s  that  ? 

Jemi  That’s  m}’^  sigh ! 

Arte  I thought  it  was  an  alarai  of  fire ; don’t  sigh  again. 

Jemi  down  upon  one  kne'e^  and  taking  Artemus’  coaUtails 

in  his  kand^  begins  to  jerk  at  them  nervously. \ Listen,  brother  ! 
to  a moving  tale  of  woe. 

Arte  [Breaking  away  from  him.'\  Don’t  tear  my  clothes  ! 

Jemi  That’s  my  weakness 

Arte  Well,  don’t  play  your  weakness  so  strong.  Now  go  on. 

Jemi  My  wife  and  children  are  starving  for  the  want  of  food  5 
oh,  give  them  gold  ! 

Arte'  What  do  I hear ! your  wife  and  children  starving,  Rinaldo, 
rise ! [Takes  Jemius  by  the  hand.^  and  as  he  assists  him  to  rise^  Ji:-* 
j^iivs  jumps  as  high  as  he  can.^  and  comes  down  on  both  feet  in  a comi- 
cal  2^osition.'\  When  I look  into  your  face,  and  hear  that  your  wife 
and  children  are  starving,  my  heart  rises  to  my  very  feet,  and 
chokes  my  utterance.  Rinaldo ! I have  arrived  at  the  happy 
moment;  all  I can  do  is  to  laugh,  and  play  the  maniac,  ha  I ha  ! 
ha  ! ha ! I have  returned  with  untold  wealth ; in  this  casket 
are  millions  of  ducats,  here! — [Jemius  makes  a drive  for  the  bag^\ 
No,  no ! you  mustn’t  take  it  when  I say  here;  but  take  it  when 
I say  take  it.  I have  arrived  at  the  happy  moment,  here 


s 


NOBODY^S  SON. 


fjEMius  reaches  for  it  again^  and  Artemu^  kicks  him  aioay.] 
Don’t  take  it  when  I say  here;  oh,  you’d  spoil  the  best  piece  eyer 
written ; now,  remember,  when  I say  take  if,  not  when  I say 
h€7'e,  [This  bus,  must  be  kept  up  as  long  as  good  judgmen  t requires; 
then  Artemus  goes  on.]  All  I can  do  is  laugh,  and  play  tlie  ma- 
niac; ha ! ha ! ha  1 ha ! Rinaldo,  liei'e,  take  it, 

Je^ni  Shall  I take  it  now  ? 

Arte  Take  it  I take  it  1 — here,  here,  take  it.  [Jemius  is  in  a 
and  does  not  knoto  ivhat  to  do;  they  work  this  up  until 
they  get  excited,  and  exhaust  themselves;  then  they  each  take  hold  of 
the  hag  and  pull  it;  then  both  let  go,  and  fall  over. 


THE  ENIV 


IN  THREE  SCENES. 


NEW  TOEK: 

HAPPY  HOURS  COMPANY, 

No.  I CHAMBERS  STREET. 


scrpio  AFRICANUS. 


CHARACTERS 


SciPIO  Africanus. 
Ramo  Samee. 
JrpE. 

Drusillinda. 


Demons^  kitchen  maids,  ballet,  &c.,  &c. 


COSTUMES. 


Scipio  Africanus. — Black  pants,  white  jacket  and  apron,  slippers. 
Hamo  Samee. — White  pants  and  jacket,  long  white  apron,  white  cap, 
slippers. 

Jupe. — Buttoned  jacket;  tight  pants,  short;  gray  stockings ; low 
shoes ; large  collar. 

Drusillinda, — Kitchen  maid’s  dress. 


PBOPEBTIES, 


Tinpans — cups — dishes — Frying  pans — Gridiron — ^Large  pot  for  in- 
cantation— Vegetables  of  various  kinds  Herbs — Stuffed  cat,  dog  and 
deadratn  i 1!  Gong  -Pig,  burned  on  one  side,  on  spit — 
Red  fire — Fountain  for  Scene  III. 


Entered  according  to  act  of  Congress  in  the  year  1874,  by  Happy  Hours  Company, 
in  the  office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congres.s  at  Washington. 


SCIPIO  ATRICANUS 


Scene  I. — Kitchen  of  a hotel.  Fire-place  R.,  with  pig  on 
spit  before  it^  dresser  l.,  ivith  dishes^  plates^  cups^  pans^ 
dc,,  in  it^  large  iron  pot  in  c. 

Servants  discovered  with  pans,,  dishes,,  plates^  in  their 
hands.  Jupe  beating  gong. 

Opening  Chorus. 

Hurry,  scurry,  what  a flurry, 

Bells  a-ringing,  gongs  a-soundiu^  5 
Ebry body’s  in  a worry, 

Late  arrivals  boots  confoundin’. 

Fetch  along  de  Injun  meal, 

Hear  de  pigs  and  chickens  sq^ueal, 

Turn  de  grunter  on  de  spit. 

Darkies  to  your  places  git ! 


4 


SiClPlrO  AFRIOANUS. 


Grand  lallet^  in  midst  of  which  Ramo  Samee,  the  Cooh 
rises  L.C.  with  hasting  ladle  for  sceptre,  Gong 

RamOi,  Stop  dat  nonsense,  or  I’ll  rile 
If  you  leff  de  breakfas’  spile  ; 

Round  about  de  cauldron  go, 


In  de  mixt  ingredients  throw, 

Callipee  and  oallipa^h, 

Stew  de  stew  and  hash  de  hash. 

All,  Bubble,  bubble,  sling  de  shubbel,' 

Hump  yourselves,  or  dere^ll  be  trubbel ! 

{They  join  in  an  incantation  dance  around  the  pot. 
Bamo,  {Stirring  it,)  Walk  around,  ye  mystic  crew  ; 
Dereks  a heap  of  work  to  do 
Ere  we’ve  iinisht  dis  yer  stew. 

Bring  up  dat  old  tabby  cat,  - , 

Pop  it  in  the  bilin’  vat ; 

Cotch  dat  dam  ole  mangy  dog,  ^ 

Slap  him  in  de  pot  co-chug ! 

Add  some  rats  unto  de  mess 
And  the  charm  is  made,  I guess  ! 

{They  all  dance  ojf  j^,  except  Bamo, 


Enter  I>RUS1LLINDA  R.y  heOfring  a dish, 

Bamo,  {Aside.)  Car’s  de  sweetest  mess  of  all ; 
Sugarplum  de  gal  I call ; 

She’s  in  lub  wid  dat  ar  swell 
Dat  answers  to  de  porter’s  bell. 

But  roun’  her  form  I’ll  wreatli  a speli 
^ Shili  drive  dat  darkey  to'  de  wafi. 


a<^xrio  AFiy[C;Ainji. 


5 


' Sl)>i(;.---I)RirsiLLINl)A. 

De  bullfrog's  croakin’  in  do  pond,  do  tree-toad’s  gamr 
;'‘V'  ■■  made, 

And  in  de  woodpile's  gloom  I liear  my  lubber’s  serenade  ; 
.1  smell  his  bref — it’s  juniper  ; I wonder  whar  he’s  be’n, 

Dey  tease  us,  while  dey  please  us,  too,  dese  naughty, 
naughty  men ! 

SciFio  Africanus,  in  white  aproriy  hounds  in,  L.,  striking 

tambourine. 

Song.— -Scipio. 

High  jinks  in  de  kitchen  I high  jinks  up  de  stairs . 

Now  de  carnival  is  on  us,  gals  and  boys  strike  pj0f  in  paurs. 
Spider  waists  and  taper  ankles 
Woo  our  arms  wid  deir  charnas, 

Lub  is  ebrywlier.es. 

Hi,  Dru  ! don’t  you  hear  your  sweetheart  cornin’ J 
Bound  to  cut  a shine,  who  cares? 

( Grand  pas  seul  energetigue^ 

Dru,  (Drops  dish.  They  embrace,^  0,  gravy  and  mo- 
lasses ! is  it  you? 

Scip,  It’s  me,  come  courtin’  ; Drusy,  don’t  say  ‘‘  s.hoo  !** 
llamo,  (Seizing  pig  from  the  spit,)  You’ve  made  me 
spile  my  pig,  an’  hell’s  let  loose, 

Away ! or  by  this  spit  I’ll  cook  your  goose. 

Waves  pig. 

All  enter  u.  and  l.  Grand  pas  Infernaie  d^ Incantation, 
Pas  de  Trois,  Banio^  Drusill,  and  Scip,  Ramo  tears  her 
atmy>  Tableau,.  - * 


6 


SCIPIO  AFRICANUS. 


• SOENE  H.-^Open  Prospect^  Genital  Path* 

Enitt  JuPE,  the  Porter^  l.,  with  slow  and  mournful  steps ^ 
heating  gong  at  intervals. 

- Song.— JuPE. 

O,  00  I she’s  lost  and  gone  ! 

O,  oo  ! she’s  gone  away  ! 

Bring  back  my  yaller  gal  to  me, 

Or  in  de  tomb  my  bones  I’ll  lay. 

0,  00  ! etc.  (^Gong  accompaniment. 

Enter  SciP,  R.,  distracted. 

Scip.  What  for  you  stand  dere,  bangin’  on  dat  tin? 

Go  get  your  coffin  and  I’ll  dump  you  in  ; 

And  if  I can’t^de  black  cook’s  art  undo. 

I’ll  hab  de  box  made  large  enough  for  two  . 

Jupe.  nr  roam  de  wide  world  troo  but  dat  I’ll  find  her 

Scip.  Me,  too  ; and  if  in  wedlock  he  hab  jin’d  her, 
We’ll  fight  it  out  till  bofe  of  us  is  done  for. 

And  if  he  hasn’t,  again  her  hand  we’ll  run  for  ! 

Duet. 

Scip. — 

Clar  de  kitchen,  niggers  ! lively  on  de  heel, 

If  I catch  dat  runaway  I guess  I’ll  make  him  squeal  ; 
Jupe. — 

Skin  him  like  an  eel  and  his  bones  in  mortar  mash, 
Cut  him  up  in  little  bits  and  serve  hirn  up  for  hash. 
BotK  Clar  de  kitchen,  niggers,  etc.  {Dance  off  l. 


s<:n»io  africaKUS. 


7 


Ramo  c}h(,S(s  Drttsiijjnda  on  r.it. 

Dru,  My  brof  nm  almost  gono,  he’s  rooked  my  g 
If  from  dis  darky’s  spells  f eaii’t  broke  loose. 

Ill  wain  you  try  to  git  around  your  fate, 
iiigbt,  ole  gal,  wid  Sanieo  y m shall  mate  ; 

Aud  as  lor  dem  loose  nigs  dat  chase  you  round, 

Ttb  got  dem  safe  enough  iu  de  public  pound. 

Drn.  Hold  on,  old  boss,  before  we  start  again, 

Lei  nu‘  indulge  in  one  sa(J  parting  strain? 

Am. 

DrusilUnda. 

0,  dulce  far  niente  mia  / 

Thus  a hapless  maid  I sigh. 

Siempre  poco  pire  maesia^ 

One  last  look  and  then  good-by  I 
Poco  tempo  con  furia  • 

Doloroso  is  de  cry  ! 

(Exits  slowly  and  mournfully,  l.h.  Bamo  executes  a pas 
seid  and  hounds  off  l.JI, 


Scene  III. — The  Fountain, 

Enter  Ramo  and  Drusillinda,  to  hurried  music,)  r,  She 
dances.  Ballet  hy  promenaders  who  enter  from  loth  sides, 
Drusillinda  gives  a despairing  glance  at  BamOj  screams 
and  jumps  into  the  hasioi  with  his  ladle, 

Bamo,  Ah ! the  mystic  charm  is  broke, 

And  all  my  cherished  visions  end  in  smoke  ; 

For  de  old  soothensayer’s  words  came  true — - 
‘‘  If  she  dies  fust  den  she  can’t  marry  you.” 


8 SOIPIQ  AFRIC-ANUS.* 

JupE  shtmhles  on^  ^ hrmth. 

Jupe.  T’vfe  got  you  now  ; if  &he*3  ?oOzeut?ide, 
ril  take  de  change  out  of  youi*  worthless  hide, 

{They  ji^M.  Dance  of  deniom,  A hole  optm  in  the 
ground^  into  which  Ramo  pulls  Jupe,  Bed  fire t They  sink 
from  view,  Scip  dances  in  ii.  DritsUUnda  tops  from 
fountain  and  joins  Scip.  Emh'face,  All  on* 

Finale. 

All  our  trouble’s  ober, 

Now  we’ll  lib  in  clover, 

Drink  mint  juleps  all  de  day, 
Tamborine  arid  fiddles  play, 

No  more  she’ll  be  a rover. 

(Darice  and 


Curtain. 


V 


Scenes 


AT  GUltI[F.Y’S 


AN  ETHIOPIAN  ACT, 


A3  PERPORMED  BY 


THE  SAIf  FRANCISCO  MINSTRELS* 


jq'EW  TTOEIE. 


KEWXoBKt 

HAPPY  HOURS  company, 

No.  1 CxiAaiBEHl:*  SXHJiEX, 


y CHAEAGTHRS.—[Scbnes  at  Gurnets.] 


Mr,  Felix  (runibo.  (From  the  country) Billy  Biroh. 

Mr.  OoUodion.  (A  photographer) Wambold. 

Adoljphus.  (A  boy  at-all-fours) 


9 


COSTUMES. 

Gumbo. — ^White  beaver  hat,  queer-shaped,  nap  nibbed  the  wrong  way 
— ^red  coat,  rather  short-skirted— broad-plaid  waistcoat  cut  low 
in  the  bosom  to  show  shirt  of  blue  stripe  on  white  ground— a blue, 
or  green,  battered  umbrella — a large  valise  or  carpet-bag  crammed 
wifii  paper,  not  to  be  opened. 

Collodion. — 1st  dr^ss,  black  trowsers,  white  vest,  dressing-gown  and 
smoking-cap  with  tassel — his  moustaches  are  long  and  the  points 
are  turned  down  at  his  first  entrance — 2nd  dress,  same,  with  velvet- 
een loose  jacket,  or  blouse,  instead  of  dressing-gown — no  cap — 
wig  curled  very  extravagantly  — moustaches  with  the  points 
straightened  out  parallel  to  line  of  the  mouth. 

• 

Adolphus. — ^Page’s  suit,  with  button  jand  lace — ^bareheaded. 


PEOPEKTIES. 

Table  up  c.,  against  flat,  covered  with  fancy  cloth  and  photographs 
of  all  sizes — smaller  tables  at  r.  and  l.  u.  comers,  with  books  and 
statuettes  upon  them-Chairs  along  flat,  1 r.  front,  1 l.  front,  1 o.  line 
of  2nd  groove — carpet-bag  and  umbrella  for  Gumbo— long-handled 
broom  in  l.  u.  corner — exaggerated  apparatus,  consisting  of  tripod 
of  man's  height,  with  camera,  i,  e.,  a plain,  neat  box,  2 2 m 3 (in^ 
feet),  placed  the  long  way  horizontally — circular  hole  in  front,  for 
tin  tube  (ten  inches  diameter,  one  foot  long)  to  which  is  a lid  with 
handle  to  remove  and  replace  it  at  outer  end — a slide-opening  made 
at  same  end  of  box  to  admit  of  a frame  being  passed  into  it  and 
across  it-r- black  or  dark-blue  baize  cloth  tacked  to  other  end  of 
box,  which  is  open,  in  loose  folds  to  hang  down  from  the  top  edge 
— a shelf  is  fitted  to  the  tripod  r.  side  (facing  audience)  to  hold 
a large  pantomime  watch  with  steel  dog-chain  to  match — a frame 
to  fit  slide-opening  in  camera,  on  which  is  pasted  for  each  peribrm- 
ance,  paper  on  which  is  rudely  outlined  two  faces  of  the  same  size, 
one  upright,  the  other  a little  transversely,  as  large  as  may -be — 
handful  of  flour  ready  in  cup  on  table  c.  for  Adolpus. 

filme  of  representation— fifteen  to  twenty  minutes.] 


•i'^' SCENES  AT  GUENEY'H. 

SCENE. — An  Interior^  rather  nice  parlor,  carpet  domn^  pictnree  on 
the  walls,  statnes  in  the  corners^  painted  or  natural.  Closed  in 
R.  and  L.,  with  practicable  doors  each  side.  . 

Adolphus  {Discovered  dusting  the  tables^  etc^]  What’s  de  use  ob 
keepin’  de  place  so  nice -lookin’  when  it’s  more  dan  a fortnight 
since  a customer  came  in,  and  such  a fort’nit  thing  won’t  happen 
ag’in  in  a hurry.  Oh  ! here’s  massa. 

t Dusts  a chair  very  briskly,  up  r. 
e de  dust  fly  about  so,  Adolphus  ! 
We’ve  too  much  diffukilty  as  it  is  in  raising  the  wind  and  bring- 
ing down  de  dust.  Any  one  called  ? 

Adol  Yes  ! 

Cd  Den  dar  is  bopefulle^ness  ! 

Adol  Maybe  dar  is,  but  it  was  de  landlord,  who  said  dat  dis 
studjoe  stood  yo’  in  too  little  for  him  to  let  you  be  left  tenant 
anoder  free  quarters. 

Col  Nobody  else  ? [r.  c.] 

Adol  Not  a else.  [l.  c.] 

Col  Den  dar  is  no  use  a-strivin’;  I’ve  sold  ebberyting  in  de 
house  ’cept  de  contents  ob  dis  room.  I’ll  tell  you  what,  boy  ! as 
de  public  won’t  appreciate  high  art — on  de  sixth  story ! we  mus’ 
descen’  to  dem,  and  make  dem  gib  us  a chance. 

Adol  ’Drather  dey’d  gib  us  some  change. 

Col  Boy,  if  you  want  to  know  what  a dinner  looks  like  dis 
week,  you  must  go  down  into  de  street  and  fotch  up  de  beny 
fust  man  what  you  can  handle ! 

Adol  S’pose  he  won’t  be  fotched  ? 

Col  Leff  go  an’  lay  by  for  a smaller  one ! 

Adol  I’ll  do  it ! [Shakes  kis  bi'oom. 

Col  I’ll  raise  your  cellary — 

■ Adol  I can’t  raise  any  myself. 

Col  You  shall  sleep  on  de  top  ob  de  table  instid  ob  under  it ! 
Add  I’ll  fasten  on  de  fust  man ! [Puts  broom  l.  u.  corner.  At- 
titude  a la  highwayman.']  Your  likeness  or  your  life!  [Exit.,  l.  d. 

Col  Can’t  say  I wanted  any  urging  to  display  my  energy.  If 
an  artist  like  me  can’t  get  customers  dis  way,  I’il  get  up  a raffle, 
all  de  prizes  biauks ! and  gamble  oft*  de  tings  I'rom  de  baths  to  de 
cam-e-ra  obscura  (and  likel3’^  to  go  away  still  more  obscurerly). 
Hark  ! [Tramping  l. — hank  on  right  breast.]  Be  still,  my  heart ! 


4 


SOENEB  AT  GURNEY’S. 


De  somebody ! I mus’  give  him  sixpence  more  a 

mor^f  jfroiia  dis  61it.  He^  dey  come  ! {To  c.]  Now  to  exchange  my 
suit  for  more  artktic  habiliments.  {Exity^  r.  d. — great  noise  l. 
[AleoLPHUs  enters  l.  d.,  'pulling  Gumbo  in^  pushes  him  to  c. — 

Gitmbo,  umhrella  in  one  Jvand^  hag  in  other ^ falls  over  chair  c,, 

spreading  the  hag  and  unlhreUa  in  his  fall.  Sits  up  aghast, 

Adbl  Dary’are  ! 

t^undyo  {Rises  staring,  Jshpi]  Dat*  t are  ! Well  dat’s  much 
is  truff ! [Plchsup  his  hag  and  imWdia^  aside,]  It’s  kinder  scu- 
rious ! I hcerd  dey  was  werry  frien’Iy  in  de  big  city,  but  I neber 
fought  dis  was  de  style  dat  dey  took  ’em  in ! Is  dis  a hotel j 
boy  ^ [c.] 

Adct  Dis  is  a photomagraphic  studjoe  I [Proudly^ 

Gwfdro  Eh? 

[Adolphus  repeats. 

Gumbo  Yes.  I used  to  know  him.  Is  he  well  ? 

Adot  Who  ? 

G'lhmho  Old  Stew  Joe  ! 

Adol  I said  a photomagraphic  stud-joe — a gallery  ! 

Gumbo  And  so  dis  is  a gallery  ! I wonder  dey  leff  you  behave 
so  boy  stir-us  here  den.  Why  ! [Looki/ng  up,]  De  roof  is  a win- 
der I Dat’s  kinder  scurious ! 

Adol  Dey  take  pictures  here ! 

Gumho  Do  dey ! {Hugs  his  hag,\  I got  an  ile  painting  in  my 
ridicule,  an’  I’d  like  to  behold  de  fust  man  take  dat  1 

\Flourishes  umhrella, 

Adol  We  don't  take  pictures  dat  way.  You  kin  have  yourself 
delineated  in  any  style. 

Gumho  I wouldn’t  have  myself  de-linen -ated  in  any  tile  but 
dis,  {Touching  his  hat, 

Adol  And  at  all  prices.  {Crosses  to  r.  d.]  Hold  on  a bit  till  I 
tell  master.  [Exit^  r.  d.  crying.]  Oh,  master ! here’s  a customer ! 

Gumho  {Stares  aroundy  keeping  tight  hold  of  hag  and  tmhrellay 
a point  in  his  general  business  throughout  the  piece.]  Dis  is  kinder 
scurious ! [Goes  around  the  room^  points  his  umhreUa  at  statuettes y 
:rosses  to  r.,  is  frightened  hy  the  camera,}  Hullo ! what’s  dis  ma- 
chine, I wonder-r^looks  like  a new-fangled  hash-cutter,  on’y  don’t 
ifee  no  crank.  [Exami'nes  camera,]  It’s  kinder  scurious  ! [Goes 
up  c.  to  table  against  fiat.]  Hullo  ! heyah’s  lots  o’  pictures ! Gee- 
rmaleminy  1 ain’t  dey  pooty ! Whew  ! here’s  a man  wid  two 
opowas  to  his  head  ! why  ! — haj  ha ! here’s  his  name  on  it.  De 
Empc.nim  Dewis  Napoleum  ! Did  he  come  heyah  tohab  his  figger 
drew  ? It’s  kinder  scurious ! Oh,  here’s  a lady ! Latest  news. 
Dresses  made  lower  dan  eber ! My ! heyah’s  a poo  tier  gal  ! I 
pader  Unk  FiJ  keep  dis  one  ! All  iJc  3^oung  fellei-s  does  dat  now 
aa’  says— de  gub  it  ’um ! 

\ Piits  photograph  m katy  and  puts  hat  on. 


' \ 

RT^XTJKfl  AT  GUpNi..  /.  5 

Ctfl  \ Ent^j\.  i;.[  All,  oIl  ! \WUJi  r.  ' f 'r-  nrJi.  aertTU. 
(•fmho  I Oil,  ?j|i,  liinn  ! | T.  | 

C.)l  lUo^ina.]  (Joo^  ?ili~  inorniiij^! 

UitiiilH}  (loo'l  iirloniooi]  di'?  oln’iiiii’  ! 

h ha!  pjt.oU  nrn  nh  out  and  rn/reaHt u h ^ ru,, 

Vol  1 sen  you  was  e-nmining  soirio  of  Jny  Kpccimoni; 

Ouriiho  f 'wasn’t  (oudiing  I'one  ob  ycr  peppermints. 

Col  Dey’ro  rpiit  o at  your  service.  I presume  you’ve  emne  '* 

(le  purpiises  of  dat  is — a-  um 

Crtmbo  \ TIas>tili/,\  Yea^‘ da t’s 'wliat  brought  me  

4 Col  In  a "t^'ord,  your  likeness  ? 

Gnmho  Who’s  like-en-ess  ! or  any  oder  letter  of  de  alfrcdlj  t 
Col  I mean,  you  desire  a portrait 

Gumho  A poor-Trayt — ain’t  dat  what  you  call  a curicature? 
Col  Shall  it  be  a photograph  by  a vivid  light  ? I can  lucify 
de  room  by  a coil  of  magnesium  wdre ! 

Gumho  *No,  no  ! I don’t  want  no  lucifying  around  me  ! ’xSides, 
my  nuss  gub  me  enuff  magnesia  in  my  earliest  days  for  to  last 
all  froo  my  time. 

Col  I don’t  recommend  it,  dough  dar’s  a quack  doggertypist 
t’oder  side  de  way,  who  does.  Ony  las’  week,  he  lighted  up 
some  ob  de  wire  for  a sitter— all  at  once  de  tlame  shot  up  and  il- 
luminated the  studjoe  till  it  was  one  broad  glare  of  light  1 De 
sitter  had  just  had  absence  ob  mind  enufi*  to  spring  to  his  feet  and 

reach  the  door  before 

Gumho  Before — yes — yes! 

Col  Before  de  wire  burnt  itself  out ! 

Gumho  Dat’s  kinder  scurious ! I don’t  tink  I’ll  hab  any  ob  de 
coil  lit ! I c.] 

Col  y Aside.]  Dat’s  lucky — not  an  inch  in  de  house.  [Aloud.] 
Which  do  you  prefer — haif-length  or  full-length  ? [r.  c.] 

Gumho  Say  dat  ag’in  ! [Siomging  his  umbrella. 

Col  Half-length  or  full-length  ? 

Gumho  Fool-length ! [Aside.]  I gib  fair  warning  1 dar’ll  be  a 
fight  on  dis  spot  if  he  goes  on  talking  so  much  longer. 

Col  Or,  a vignette  ? 

Chimho  A lig-net ! I fought  dey  come  ober  in  boxes  I 

Col  We  could  do  you  some  nice  ovals 

Gimho  Thankee  1 I don’t  want  none  of  your  orful  t’ings ! 

Col  Dar’s  de  medallions,  werry  fashionable — five  heads  on  a 
single  sheet ! 

Gumho  Five  heads  on  a single  sheet ! Bress  us  ! De  double- 
bedded  room  is  nowhar’  1 

Col  Or  a bust  1 now,  dat’s  de  ticket  I 

Gumho  No  ! I’m  temperince,  and  I neber  go  on  busts  now ! 

Col  I have  it  1 You  desire  a Carte  de  Wisite  ? 

Gtmbo  A cart  to  wisit?  Dat’s  de  werry  t’ing  we  does  want! 


g SCENES  AT  GUBNEm 

Bar’s  been  a dead  ’oss  basking  in  de  fenn  afront  ob  our  bouse  for 
de  last  century,  and  we’ve  been  wishing  for  a cart  to  wisit  to 
take  him  in  bis  strength  away ! 

Ool  You  don’t  comprehend. 

Onmbo  No ! I came  from  Squam-Beach-super-Mare. 

Col  No  matter  1 You  shall  have  your  picture.  so  good  as 
to  take  a chair.  [i%fn8  lo  r. 

Gumbo  Which  one  1 
Col  They’re  all  the  same. 

Giimbo  Werry  well!  [Takes  up  chair  anS,  goes  to  i..  n. 
Jdol  [Enters  l.  d.  and  stops  Gumbo. J Look  heyah,  massa  I 
Col  [To  c.]  What  do  you  mean  by  walking  oh*  \^ith  dat  chair  T 
Gumbo  [Offended  tone,]  You  gub  it  me  ! 

Col  I tole  you  to  take  a chair  and  sot  down  ! [ Jh  r. 

[Gvu^o  sits  down  in  chair  1.,  toith  the  other  chair  in  his  lap, — 
Adolphus  pulls  it  from  him, — Gumbo  springs  to  his  feet,^  and 
dances  wildly  a few  steps  around  Adolphus  to  frightem  him^ 
returns  to  l.  front,] 

Col  [At  Camera  r.]  Adolphus,  ’pose  de  genbleman. 

Gumbo  Keep  your  pose  off ! [Guarding  himself  icilh  umbrella, 
[Adolphus  gets  broom  from  l.  u.  corner^  comes  down  c. — Combat, 
He  beats  down  Gumbo’s  guards  runs  in^  disarms  h im  of  umbrella,^ 
pushes  him  to  chair  l.,  forces  him  into  seat, — Collodion  at 
camera. — Gumbo  sudde^y  perceives  that  the  camera  tube  is  level- 
ed at  him.^  and  holds  up  his  bag  before  his  face, — Adolphus 
pitlls  bag  fro'm  him.^  and  flings  it  up  l.,  kicks  umbrella  up  l , 
behind  Gumbo,  holds  him  down  in  chair  by  shoulders, — 
Gumbo  acts  very  ne'cvously. 

Col  Go  way  boy,  and  leff  de  genbleman  alone  I 
[Adolphus  /cwoc/l'e  Gumbo’s  hat  offy  and  goes  of  l.  d.,  chased  by 
Gumbo.] 

Col  Will  you  get  into  the  focus  ? 

Gumbo  It’s  dat  boy  of  your’n ! 

Col  Get  into  de  focus  I 
Gumbo  Whar’s  de  work’us  ? 

Collodion  crosses  to  him,^  and  brings  Mm  to  l. /ro/iZ— Adolphus 
enters  l.  d. — Collodion  forces  Gumbo  into  chair  l.,  lohen 
Adolphus  it  aioay.^  and  Gumbo  is  left  on  floor  as  Collo- 
dion turns  away.  Gumbo  tries  to  strike  Adolphus,  who  runs 
out  L.  D.  seated  on  floor,] 

Col  [At  camera,^  looks  over  the  box,]  Wharever  is  dat  man ! I leff 
him  in  de  cha’r  dis  bery  moment ! 

fGuMBO  resumes  seat. — Collodion  waves  his  hand  to  him  to  move, 
-Gumbo’s  businessy  still  sealed,^  of  carrying  chair  with  him  up 
aTid  down,  in  obedience  to  Collodion’s  gestures — Collo- 
dion reckons  him, — Gumbo  comes  to  c.— Collodion  waves  him 
back. 


SCENES  AT  7 

Chmbo  •■hair  bdck  tUL  hU  ^rh-mt.‘jlaS,J\ 

Dis  is  kindor  scuriouK  I 

fOoLLODtoN  hrrko  s f<i  him^  havlny  his  hf<aU'%^I  all  tH 

while, — UuMB'i  Ua.otiS  his  rhff  ir^  (Ui'l  (jots  st^a  j -i  I / 
fronj  when  ha  looks  inlo  the  Itthe.  Sees  ijOLJj  ^ ,(rm^-  /'’  ./■•'  Ix'nrl 
wachig  up  and  d^ymn,  and  takes  hold  of  it. — Thk7  looi  l.i 

for  a moment,— CoTuLomo's  draws  his  head  out  of  die  r ./ 
angrili/^  collars  Gumbo,  and  drives  him  hack  to  l. — Gum:.  ^ 
remonstrates  in  pantomime,] 

Col  Sit  down,  sir  1 and  don’t  move  ag’in  ! 

[Crosses  to  ji.  at  va.'mn'n^  %s  hfore^ 
[Gumbo,  quiet  for  a hrUf  hus  Jus  aUeidLondirtefed  iipx.',  to 
his  haq  and  umhulla,  Lmvt$  his  chair  cautiously  fof  imthMla^ 
and^  hy  means  of  it^  rakes  the  hag  to  Iti'/n,  fie  rttmmes  his  seal 
just  as  Collodion  looks  over  top  of  camera  to  see  where  he  has 
gone. 

Col  Will  you  keep  quiet,  sir  ! or  shall  I light  de  magnesium  ? 
\QvyiBo  puts  hag  on  chair  ^ and  sits  on  it,^  and  assumes  king -on- 
throne  attitude,^  the  umbrella  open  over  his  head.] 

Col  \Discovers  this.]  How  dare  you,  sir,  when  I had  you  in 
position ! 

Gumbo  It’s  an  imposition  altogether!  Ain’t  you  cooked  de 
portrait,  yet  ? 

Col  Don’t  budge  ! I’m^oin’  to  get  de  plate  I 
Gumbo  Fetch  a tumbler  an’  some  water — I’d  rader  drink  dan 
eat. 

Col  I’ll  be  back  in  one  second.  [Exit^  r.  d. 

Gimbo  I’m  kinder  scurious  what  he’s  gone  for.  [About  to  rise. 
Col  [Enters  r.  d.,  loitli  frame.^wlilch  he  puts  into  camera.]  If  you 
move,  you’ll  spile  all ! I’m  goin’  to  fix  de  bath.  f Exif  r.  d. 

Gumbo  Who  is  dey  gw’in’  to  wash  now  ? 

[Adolphus  enters  l.  d.,  silently spies  Gumbo,  chuckles^  gets  fmither^ 
and  tickles  him.] 

Gumbo  [Imagines  that  all  his  sensations  are  caused  by  the  camera. 
Very  restless — sneezes.]  Ain’t  it  drefiul,  dough ! pins  and  needles 
all  over.  Oh  ! I feel  kinder  scurious  1 

[Adolphus  climbs  on  back  of  chair and^  leaning  foncard^  looks 
down  into  Gumbo’s  face.] 

Gumbo  [Terrified.]  Mussy  sakes  1 What  dat  ! 

[Gumbo  jumps  up.^  but .^recolle  ting resumes  his  seat. — a pause.—* 
Adolphus  stands  on  his  head  l.,  and  walks  on  his  hands  around 
in  front  of  Gumbo.] 

Gumbo  [J5  starinq  at  camera.^  and  Adolphus’s  feet  suddenly 
intervene. — Starts  up.]  Murder ! Oh,  it’s  dat  awful  boy  again. 
[Chases  Adolphus  all  around  the  stage^  Adolphus  kicking 
Gumbo’s  hat  and  bag^  andmnning  of'  l.  p. — rushes  back 
to  chair^  and  sits  as  before.] 


8 


SCEMIS  at  GURNEY’S. 

Col  [Enters  r.  d.,  quickly^  looks  at  watc\  slaps  the  cover  on  itie 
end  of  the  ttd)e^  dratos  out  the  frame,']  You  kin  move  now. 

[Rushes  out  r.  d. 

Gumbo  Dat’s  one  comfort ! [To  looks  around,]  It’s  werry 
scurious ! [Goes  to  b.,  examines  camera,]  Pooh ! I don’t  b’iieve 
it’s  much  to  do,  arter  all  1 Oh  ! [iSfees  watch.]  Here’s  a maglorious 
ticker ! If  it  wasn’t  for  dat  boy  bein’  on  de  sta’rs,  I t’ink  I’d  play 
de  Take-it-and-Leave-Man  1 [Scratches  his  head,]  I’djuss  like  to 
know  wedder  any  man  couldn’t  do  it.  ’Spose  I try  my  hand. 
In  de  words  of  de  prophet  Bulwig,  “ Bar’s  no  sich  word  as  fail !” 
[Puts  his  umbrella  tlirouyh  bag  handle.^  to  prop  it  upright  on  chair 
L.,  sticks  Itis  hat  on  top  oj  tmbrella ^laughs.  Goes  to  earner a,^  ptets 
head  in.]  I can’t  see  nuffin’ ! It  don’t  seem  to  work ! [Looks  at 
waic\  hammers  it  on  the  earner a.^  shakes  it,^  looks  into  camera  again 
waves  his  hand  to  the  dummy  on  chair.]  No  go ! It’s  kinder  scu- 
ri — oh ! [Discovers  that  the  tube  is  covered.]  I forgot  to  take  off 
de  sasspan  lid!  [Takes  off  cover;  business  with  watch^  etc.,^  like  Col- 
lodion’s, only  still  more  extravagant.^A'DOi.VKm  enters  stealthily 
' L.  D.,  goes  to  strike  hat  in  chair  l.,  lolien  he  discovers  disappear- 
ance of  — Spies  Mm  gets  umbrella^  crosses  to  r.,  and 

strikes  Qumbo,  who.^  with  his  head  in  box.,  can  offer  no  defence,-^ 
Gumbo  cannot  extricate  himself. — Adolphus  runs  over  l. — Col  • 
LODioN  enters  with  picture,^  r.  d ] 

Col  [Holding  up  p icture.  ] You  moved ! 

Gumbo  Dat’s  kinder  scurious ! I neber  so  much  as  winked  I 
Col  I shall  charge  you  double.  It’s  a binograph ! 

Gumbo  I’ll  buy  no  graphs  of  you  1 

Col  Ten  shillings  single — double,  two-dollars. 

Gumbo  On’y  ten  if  dar  was  but  de  one  head  dar  ? 

Col  Yes. 

[Gumbo  smashes  the  painted  paper  over  his  head. — Adolphus 
flours  his  face. 


ETHIOPIAN  ACT, 


AS  PBRFOKUKD  BT 


BUCKLEY’S  SERENADER8. 


ItAPi’V  COMPANY, 


CHARACTERS.— [16,000  Years  Ago!] 


Mr.  Dimiai^  of  Dreadful  Swamp,  an  aniiqae  traveler,  - G.  S.  Rnckloy. 
Joe  Br6wn,  a youthful  villager,  - --  --  --  -R.B.  BackJey. 

Mudge  ( most  foul  in  Vw  piece)  with  a fowling  piece,  - - 


COSTUMES. 

UisMAin —Patched  blue  coat,  with  brass  buttons,  no  waistcoat — 
plaited  bosom  to  his  striped  shirt,  red  necktie — black  trowsers, 
patched  on  both  knees — a boot  and  a shoe — black  chimney-pot 
hat— large  carpet-bag  with  large  purse  in  it,  traveling  rug — pocket- 
book  in  coat  breast-pocket— white  hair,  and  beard  long. 

Joe.  -Battered  white  hat,  without  brim — shirt  of  calico,  red  check 
on  pink  ground,  with  broad  collar,  turned  up  on  one  side — tight 
striped  trowsers,  coming  to  just  above  the  ankle — blue  stockings 
— heavy  shoes. 

Mudge. — Blue  cloth  bag-cap  with  long  vizor — white  coat  with  long 
tails,  with  epaulettes  of  red  chenille,  and  military  trimfnings — 
— long  waistcoat — shirt  of  fancy  flowered  pattern — lodse  white 
trowsers — shoes  tied  with  white  wliipcord. 


SCENE. 

A wood  or  garden,  in  2nd  grooves — trees  for  wings— entrances  open 
L.  and  B. 

^ 

PROPERTIES. 


Large  purse,  pocket-book,  carpet-bag,  for  Dismal-— a long-barreled 
gun  for  Mudge.  ' 


Time  of  represcnhition  -ten  minutes. 


-4a  Curtain  nses,  Jojy  -^oaaca  dowly  P.  u.  e.  to  l.  1 e.  Enter  h.  u.  e., 
MutKJB,  icith  ffufiy  he  calls — 

Hay!  hi!  there!  ^ 

[Joe  looks  over  his  shoulders^  btU  is  about  to  exit  l.  1 E, — Mudge  lifts  his  gun 
— Job  stops  shorty  l.  front. 

Madge  Boy ! come  y’ere,  hoy ! [To  l.  Joe  faces  round  and  comes  to  c. 
Mudge  Why  didn’t  you  come  when  I called?  I been  follerin’  you 
for  de  las’  haff  hour  and  you  only  now  higgun  to  apprehend. 

Joe  What  does  you  want  wid  me  ? 

Madge. 1 want  to  squestion  yer  about  dat  stranger  what’s  stoppin’ 
at  de  willage  hotel.  What  does  yer  know  about  him  ? 

Joe  Is  you  de  head-eater  on  some  noospaper  ? 

Mudge  No ! dis  is  for  my  private  information, 

Joe  I don’t  know  nuffin’  about  him.  Nobody  knows. 

Mudge  Has  he  got  much  ob  a trabeling  furniture  ? 

Joe  Oh,  a pooty  good  deal.  He  drinks  port  wine  sangaree  wh»Oi 
he’s  angery ! he  mus’  be  an  extinguished  character. 

Mudge  [Slaps  lock  of  gunJ]  He  will  be  an  extinguished  character ! 

Joe  [Jumps'l  Don’t  do  dat — it  might  go  off, 

Mudge  What’s  his  name  ? 

Joe  It’s  painted  on  his  walise — you  know  President  Johnsum  ? 

Mudge  Yaas. 

Joe  Well,  it — ain’t  him  I 

[Mudge,  enragedy  trips  up  Joe,  who  fallsy  and  goes  off  l. 

Joe  [Sitting  up.^  Dis  is  de  t’anks  a feller  gets  for  bein’  civil! 
[jRises.]  I would  like  to  know  what  dis  ole  chap  is  doin’  round  heyah. 
Can’t  be  de  Wandering  Jew,  ’cause  I saw  him  dewour  a ham  sand- 
wich. Oh ! here  he  comes  ! [Runs  about  stagCy  and  hides  l,  front, 

[Voiced  Dismal  singing  dolefully  r.  u.  e. — 

**  In  dem  days  when  I was  hard  up, 

In  want  ob  food  an’  fire, 

I used  to  tie  my  shoes  up 
AVid  little  bits  ob  wire  !"  , 

Joe  Dat’s  a werry  chooffpl  sort  of  a ditty.  y' 

' 

' - -* 


4 16,000  YEAKS  AGO! 

Dismal  enters  r.  u.  b.,  shuffling  to  c.,  strihcs  disconsolate  attitude. 

Dismal  ’Tis  sixteen  Giousand  years  since  I leff  de  ho|ne  ob  my 
forefaders — 

Joe  [Aside,}  Here's  a man  wid  four  faders ! 

Dis  Welcome,  my  native  place,  so  long  unseen  by  my  ear-sight! 

Joe  [Aside.]  So  long ! Sixteen  thousand ! It  mus'  be  ole  Ma- 
thooselum ! 

Dis  Dese  am  de  same  green  hills  on  which  I gamboled  I 

Joe  [Aside.]  Oh,  he's  a gam*be-lier ! 

Dis  [Sleeve  to^es.]  De  childmates  ob  my  playhood— whar  am  dey? 

Joe  [Aside.]  Is  he  a^g  me,  I wonder ! 

Dis  All — all— my  all  has  gone  ! 

Joe  [Aside,']  Poor  feller ! he's  a cobbler  what's  lost  his  tools. 

Dis  ‘‘Dey  have  gone  from  my  gaze  like  a beautiful  dream  1" 

[Shivers, 

Joe  [Aside,]  He  shakes  like  a tremour  ! 

Dis  Ahl  [Paviour' s sigh.]  Dat  won't  do — it  ain't  haff  looglue- 
brious  enuff.  [Louder  and  more  dreadful  sigh.]  Ah ! 

Joe  [Aside,  shuddering.]  Wouldn't  like  to  be  shut  up  in. room  wid 
him  all  night. 

Dis  [Waves  his  hag  and  rug.]  Dough  rugged  my  manners,  wealth 
gives  me  a newer  lease  (new  valise)  ob  life — I have  riches  beyond  count. 

Joe  [Aside,  inierested.]  DaPs  somefin'  pleasant  about  de  ole  man 
arter  all ! 

Dis  [Takes  purse  from  hag,  and  pocket-book  from  coal  pockeL]  Alas ! 
No  one  to  share  my  joys — no  one  to  share  my  coin — 

Joe  [Aside,]  Don't  coin-sider  so ! 

[Goes  up  L.  and  tries  to  cross  to  b.  u.  b.,  when,  in  excess  of  caution,  his  foot 

slips  and  he  falls  c, 

Dis  [Quickly  turns,  puis  purse  and  booh  in  his  pocket,  seizes  Job,  and 
drags  him  down  c.  front,]  Ha ! whom ‘have  we  here  ? 

Joe  Leff  me  go  1 I wa'n't  doin'  nuffin. 

Dis  What  was  you  up  to  on  de  groun'  ? 

Joe  I fell  from  my  high  estate — 'bout  five  foot  eighth 

Dis  [Releases  him.]  You  are  of  you  village  ? [Points  offl^  v. 

Joe  I are. 

Dis  Den,  if  thou  knowest  him,  tell  me,  I prithee  gentle  stranger, 
whar  am  a youth  ob  tender  years  called  Parr — 

Joe  [Rfflecting,]  A youth  ob  ten  dear  years— Dar  ain't  no  ten  year 
oldcrs  dat  are  pas. 


1^'.  000  VRAnS  A(^n' 


n 


J rfirwo  n 

Joe  Oil!  dar  filtrt  ii'>  fKiw.  !>©  momoid  * r 
uIj  cjiovcR  an’  fail  Or,  d(  j is  niMt. 

Jli^t  \/nip(tfkut.]  l>(>v,  I onian,  named  Parr. 

Jne  Kh  f oh  ! (»lt  “ iife-])iil  Parr!”  Do  oh)  fcllor  wliORe  su  *1 
lili'  have  worry  nearly  nil  nin  ont ! Ha,  ]>a  I ITo  V7f*^  to  rc^ 
irec  hundred  years,  and  den  ho  waa  n century  ohi. 

Dis  [Claps  his  hands  in  clasping  //lem.]  Thus  fade  they  ! 

Joe  [Aside.']  Dcy  fade  pooty  slow  ! 

Dis  I remember  him  a tiny  juvenile. 

Joe  I never  knew  he  was  a Jew  in  de  ile  or  any  oder  sich  busines^^. 

Dis  'Twas  cber  dus — [Wiping  eyes. 

Joe  Dust  in  yer  eye  ? 

Dis  [c  ] ’Twas  eber  dus,  in  childhood’s  hour,  I neber  tub’d  a 
bright  gazelle — 

Joe  fu.  c.]  He  wasn’t  a gazelle — he  was  a boyzelle. 

Dis  But  it  wanished  and  left  me  deserted — deserted.  • [iSoS. 

Joe  [Jumps .]  Did  dis-hurt  you  much  ? [LooMng  steadily  at  Dismal. 

Dis  Oh  ! leff  me  in  distress  1 

Joe  I don’t  want  dat  dress  oh  your’n  I [Going,  r. 

Dis  ^ji^y  ! [Joe  stops^  turns. 

Di^  Cox^Q  hither.  [>Ioe  0.  You  have  been  kind  o’ kind  to  4e 
gle  man. 

itahes  out  pur^t  unUi,  business  gf  going  to  give  Jojs  a handful  of  coin,  hut 

only  gives  him  one. 

Joe  [Bit^  eoin^  d^c. , d Ig  djsappojpUed.-  cabman.]  Sixpence ! sixpen^^  I 
Dey  can’t  say  die  is  a sixpensive  man  I 

DU  [ Waving  his  hand.]  Adoo  ! 

Joe  It  is  a do. 

Dis  Bye-bye. 

Joe  It’s  more  ob  a sell  sell.  Fll  remembej:  you  for  dis  I: 

[i^r^R.  1 E. 

Dis  [Ahold  to  put  up  his  purse f\  An  honest  lad  1 Oh  !>  doVvupenpj; 
honesty  ob  de  Country  swains— dey  are  neber  seen  wid- 

temptation. 

J^cuGE  entoi'S  R.  u.  e.,  uitk  gun— aside. 

Mudg^  ini%onaiy  ivid  do  long  purse  what  I hah  so  long  pm- 
sued,  “ . - - , 


6 16,000  YEARS  AGO  I 

jbis  Why,  I might  hold  out  my  boff  ban's  vdd  dis  money  in  it 
[Purse  and  pocket-book  in  hands. '\  and  not  one  would  offer  to  say — 

Mudge  [a.  Ki,,  pednting  gun.^  Drop  dat  money,  or  dis  gun  so  early 
will  leave  you  dis-gun-so-late  ! [Business  with  gun. 

[Recedes  to  l.  front.']  Does  you  mean  to  take  dis  puss  so  coolly  ? 

Mudge  PuBS-icely  so.  Drop  it  1 [Dismal  excessively  frightened:']  Be 
quick ! Dis  is  a musket  which  mus*  get  no  trifling ! 

[Dismal  drops  purse  and  pockd-book.,  and  goes  off,  l.  1 e.  , in  ^reat  alann^ 
^ his  knees  knocJdng  together. 

Mudge  [Bursts  into  laughtei'.]  Yah!  yah!  dis  flint  fixed  his!  I’ll 
go  sit  under  dese  trees  yere,  and  reckon  up  de  treasure. 

[Kneels  down  l.  frorit,  laying  gun  r.  side  of  him,  and  unties  purse-strings. 

Dismal  enters  n u.  e.  , cautiously — aside. 

Dis  I wonder  whar  I kin  fin’  a perlice-man  ? Eh  ? Oh  ! [iSise? 
Mudge.]  Why,  dar’s  de  scandalous  rogue  wid  my  plunder ! If  I 
on’y — oh,  golly,  let’s  try  ! [Comes  down  l.  side  carefully. 

Mudge  [Rings  a coin.]  Tin  ! yes,  it  am  a tin  shillin’  ! Here’s  de- 
pravity for  you  Je  werry  footpads  is  jobbed  off  wid  bad  money  ! 
[Dismal  goes  to  u.  side  of  Mudge,  and  takes  up  the  gun  ; then  to  r front. 

Mudge  [Rising.]  Well,  now,  I’d  like  to  know  what  we’ll  do  next? 

Dis  [Loudly,  as  he  points  gun  at  Mudge.]  I tink  you’d  best  put 
down  dat  dar  blunt ! 

Mudge  [Alarmed,  business  of  shaJeing  from  head  to  foot.]  Oh  ! de  mill- 
yonary ! 

Dis  You  don’t  “ down  wid  de  dust !” 

[Mudge  very  slowly  lays  down  hag,  c. 

Dis-  Quick  time ! 

[Gun  Iminess — Mudge  more  quickly  drops  rug  on  hag. 

Dis  Faster,  or  de  slugs  in  dis  will  go  hard  wid  you,  sluggard. 

MuAge  [Drops  purse  and  pocket-book  on  the  rug — about  to  go  up  l.  sulkily f] 
Dar  dey  is. 

Dis  Hold  yer  hpsses  ! I isn’t  done  wid  you  yet. 

[Ferocious  slap  of  the  hand  to  the  gun-stock. 

Mudge  [Steps,  crying.]  I neber  did  you  no  harm  ! My  lilly  sister 
is  *ui  ing  for  me ! Boohoo  ! 

Dis  Stop  your  nonsense  ! Your  hat’s  struck  my  fancy  ! Put  down 
dat  ’ar  hat  I 

Mudge  [Knocks  his  hoi  off  and  hides  it  to  c.]  Hope  you^e  Ba&sagcfricd 
now  I 


ir.,(i(iy  VEAlia  AGO! 


7 


IH9  No  ismarka  1 p"  the  gun^  ond  amimte  a 1 

And  ilr  wcny  nu\t  time  you  come  guimiii'  rouri'  ^puiiWtR  oiifc 
dvit  liG  huin’t  got  » wit- worth  your' n ! G’out! 

[liirious  gestiire — Mudge  jumps  and  runs  ojf  l.  w 

T>k  [Ijaughs.]  Kor-yah  ! yah!  dis  i«  a big  ticarc  on  dat  ui;^ 
[IMImggunm  right  handy  he  picks  up  Mudge’s  hat,  and,remavmg  his, 
puts  it  vn,  and  his  own  top  of  it,']  Dis  is  do  way  to  make  liat-ditions  to 
do  wardrobe  ! \Picks  up  rug  and  lays  it  on  right  arm.]  De  way  ob  do 
treuasgressor  am  rugged.  [Takes  up  hog  and  stuff s into  it,  then  hangs  hag 
on  gun-harreL.^  How  lubly  ! dar's  dis  gun  wid  a bag-on-it  now  ! hee- 
hee ! 

[Takes  up  pocket-hook,  hut  finds  (hat  he  has  so  loaded  himself  that,  to  put  it 

away,  he  must  lay  down  the  gun — does  so,  and  puts  pocket-hook  in  coat  pocket. 

Job  has  entered  l.  tj.  e.,  sieps  up  stage  l.,  and  points  to  Dismal — aside. 

Joe  Heyah’s  de  ole  man  ag’in.  What's  he  up  to  now  ? What's 
he  up  to  now  ? Why — yah  1 he’s  got  two  wide-awakes  on ! he  wasn’t 
a bit  too  wide  awake  afore  ! Jimmy  neddy  ! Look  at  him  stowin' 
away  do  cash  1 Oh  ! [Comes  dovm  c.]  dis  sort  ob  ting  can’t  go  on  so. 

[Rushes  <xt  gun,  seizes  it,  and,  in  his  hurry,  jjoints  the  stock  at  Dismal. 

Dis  drops  the  rug,  which  unrolls,  and  gets  twisted  round  his  feet, 

and  is  alarmed.]  Who’s  dat  ? 

Joe  On’y  me  ; I — I forgot  somefin' ! 

Dis  [Laughs,  half  reassured.]  Oh  ! it’s  on’y  dat  good  lilly  honest 
boy.  Why,  Bobby,  did  you  forget  to  tell  me  somefin'  ? 

Joe  I forgot  to  tell  you  somefin’.  Put  down  dem  'ar  t’ings ! 

[Reverses  gun,  and  levels  it  at  Dismal. 

Dis  Dis  is  conterary  to  de  statutes — hay  ve  a care,  boy  ! 

■ Joe  Dar’llbesome  stat-shoots  in  dis  neighborhood  if  you  don't 
drop  dem  t’ings, 

[Exaggerated  pantomime  of  taking  deadly  aim — Dismal  drops  purse,  pocha- 

hook  and  hag,  c. 

Joe  Put  down  dem  'ar  hats! 

Dis  What  a cap-ti waiting  way  dis  youth  has ! [Dreps  hats. 

Joe  Stop  ! Take  of  dat  ’ar  coat ! 

Dis  What ! remove  my  wrapper  ! Oh ! dia  ain’t  a nice  wg,y  to 
undress  an  old  man.  [Coat  off. 

Joe  Put  dowm  that  'ar  coat  I 

Dis  [Drops  coat,  tearing  it.]  “ Dis  was  de  rent  the  envious  cask-o>; 
bear  made!”  [Rubs  his  eyes,  going  b.. 


8 16,000  YEAES  AGO! 

Mudge  enters  l.  , meUdw;  signs  to  Joe — ^Job  k.  , Dismal  o.  , Mudgb  l. 

Joe  [Starts — aside. 'I  I thought  it  was  a perliceman.  • 

Madge  [Unseen  by  Dismal,  comes  to  c.^ — mysteriously  aside  to  Joe.]  I 
say  ! 'sh  ! I say  ! [Joe  is  embarrass^.']  Hush  ! [Motions  not  to  let 
Dismal  know.']  ’tain’t  capped ! [Holds  ofui  his  finger  and  thumb  as  if  he 
had  a cap  between  them."]  I’ll  go  you  halves  1 

[Joe,  comic  business  of  his  not  understanding  gunnery^  passes  the  gun  to 
Mudge,  c. 

Mudge  [Levels  gun  at  Joe,  who  recedes  to  e.  front,  and  then  at  Dismal, 
who  recedes  to  l.  front — thm,  to  Joe.]  Take  off  dat  'ar  hat  I [Job 
removes  haLl  Put  down  dat  ’ar  hat!  [iSois^  flings  hat  to  q.']  Take 
off  dat  ’ar  coat  1 [Joe  does  so.]  Put  down  dat  ’ar  coat ! [Job 
flings  coat  to  a]  Now  [Pointing  gun  alUmatdy  at  Joe  and  Dismal.] 
boff  of  yon  get — 

[Joe  runs  o^R.  1 e., — ^Dismal  runs  off  h.  1 e. 
Mudge  [Laughs,']  Poor  martyrs  ob  dis  clothes-mart ! [Half  kneels, 
the  gun  between  his  legs^  and  picks  up  the  coats,  hats,  d:c.]  If  dis  haber- 
dashery business  continues,  I'll  be  able  to  hab  a dash  among  de  col- 
ored fokes.  Heyah’s  a dressing-gown  for  de  million ! [Holds  up 
coat.]  a fourteen-an’ -sixer  1 

[Piles  up  the  artides  on  his  arms,  and  the  bag  and  pocket-book  and  hats  in  his 
hands. 

Enter  l.  u.  e.  , Dismal,  coming  down  and  across  to  c.  front. 

Enter  B.  u.  e.,  Joe  to  g.  front. 

Mudge  [jRiscs.]  Well,  guess  I’ll  go  home  to  de  ole  woman ! I’m 
pooty  well  perwided  for  de  winter  1 
Joe  and  His  [Reach  c.  front  together,  grasp  gun,  and  levd  it  at  Mudge, 
crying  together.]  Drop  dem  ’ar  t’ings  ! 

[Mudge  lets  all  fell — Joe  and  Dismal  hay  dawn  gun,  and  pick  up  hats,  &c. 
Mudge  is  going  to  pick  up  gun — Joe  and  Dismal  drop  articles,  and  rush 
for  gun — all  three,  each  afraid  the  other  will  get  U,  dart  back — great  con- 
fusion, the  coats,  &c.,  flying  about  on  all  sides,  while  Assistants  tn 
ivings  throw  up  hats  and  coats. 


it 

I 

r 

i. 

it- 


IN  ONE  SCENE. 


NEW  YOEK : 

HAPPY  HOURS  COMPANY, 

No.  1 CHAMBEBS  STBEET. 


BAlSrClKG  MAD, 


CHARACTERS. 

Bones. 

Tambo. 

Triangles. 

Interloouter. 

Tenor. 

Basso. 

SuKEr  Snowball. 


Bones. 

Tambo. 
Triangles. 
Interlocuter 
Tenor. 

Basso. 
iSukey  Snowball. 


COSTUMES. 


Ordinary  evening  dress,  as  worn  by  minstrels  in 
opening  part  of  entertainment. 


-Full  ballet  dress. 


Entered  according  to  act  of  Congress  In  the  year  1875,  by  Happy  Hours  Company^ 
in  the  office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress  at  Washington. 


DANCING  MAD. 


Scene. — Landscape  or  wood  in  tJii/nd  grooves^ 

Bones.  {^Dances  on  R.,  singinq.) 

First  of  May  is  past  and  over, 

Summer’s  coming  with  its  joys  j 
Don’t  you  smell  the  early  clover? 

Up  and  at  it,  girls  and  boys. 

Vitus’  dance  has  clean  done  got  me, 

That’s  the  tune  to  raise  the  dust ! 

Bang  the  sheepskin,  sound  the  cymbals, 
Hold  me  or  I’ll  surely  bu’st. 

t Goes 

Tamho.  {^Dances  on  l.  singing.) 

Hurry  up  de  lively  pic-nic — 

Gals,  put  on  your  Sunday  best. 

In  de  fields  I hear  de  humming 
Cf  de  bee  in  velvet  drest ; 


Upward  now  de  lark  am  soaring, 

Hear  de  ^varbler  pipe  and  sing, 

Jine  us  in  a merry  measure, 

Dance  Mobile  Time  am  on  de  wing! 

(Ooes  up  R. 

Triangles,  (^Dances  on^  r.) 

Now  I feel  de  spirit  moving, 

Like  a bottle  of  champagne, 

Wid  de  cork  just  cut,  I’m  fizzling— 

I’m  alive  in  every  vein  ! 

Listen  to  de  gay  triangles. 

Tingle,  jingle,  how  dey  sound  5 
Mingling  wid  de  bones  and  cymbals, 

Clar  de  coop  wlien  I’m  around ! 

( Goes  up  I,. 

Interlocutor,  {Dances  on  l.) 


Yes,  get  up  and  shake  your  trotters, 
Twist  and  turn  your  agile  limbs, 
Stand  aside  for  skill  and  science 
All  your  foreign  art  that  dims  ; 
Give  me  room  to  throw  myself  now, 
Let  your  Lauris  hide  their  heads. 
And  as  for  the  famed  Majiltons, 

Put  them  in  their  little  beds  1 

Tenor,  {Dances  on  u,) 


( Ooes  up  R* 


Yes,  de  promis’d  time  is  coming, 

See,  de  road’s  alive  wid  teams. 

Like  two  fresh  picked  huckleberries 
Drowned  in  milk,  Sal’s  eyeball  gleams  ; 


X 


/ 


t 


Guess  she’s  struck  a cliauioiid  mine  ! 


{Goes  up  L. 


Feed  me  on  ice  creams  and  nectar, 
Wid  mint  juleps  wash  it  down, 
Lize  and  I will  soon  he  mated — • 
Prettiest  girl  in  all  tlic  towm  ! 
Fail  me  wid  the  airs  of  summer 
From  the  Isles  of  Beauty  hlown  : 
When  she  sings,  de  soul  of  musb 
Lingers  in  her  lightest  tone ! 


{Goes  up  R, 


Bones.  {Gomes  down  l.,  and  takes  c.  Dances  as  he 
sings.)  ^ 


See  dem  at  de  fete  champetre 
Skipping  like  industrious  fleas, 

Here  and  there  they’re  hopping,  bobbing — 
Not  an  arm  or  leg  at  ease. 

Light  as  flakes  of  down  tlieyVe  floating. 

In  their  robes  of  muslin  clad, 

Can’t  keep  still  to  save  their  gizzards — 
Sure  they  must  be  dancing  mad  ! 


( Goes  up  L. 


Suhey  Snowball.  {Dances  on  R.) 

Stand  around,  you  lively  niggers ! 

I’m  de  gal  can  take  you  up ; 
When  you’re  dancing  for  de  prizes 
Let  me  go  in  for  de  cup. 


6 


DANCma  MAD. 


Heart’p  as  light  as  any  fedder, 

In  ti^e  waltz,  O see  me  spin! 

Fetch  along  your  bully  dancers, 

For  de  schottish  dere’s  a shin ! 

( Comes  down  and  stands  R. 
Tamho,  (^Gomes  dovm  b.,^  and  takes  0.  DancA  h,  as 

sings,)  " ^ 

Thcr"^  s a form  can  vie  with  Venus, 

Don’t  she  shake  a lively  leg  1 
There’s  a foot  like  any  fairy’s, 

Saw  you  eber  such  a peg? 

Terpsichore’s  gitt in’  jealous, 

And  the  Graces  curious  grow. 

Hear  dem  blow  like  any  bellows. 

Slide  and  let  us  have  a show ! 

{All  come  down  n*  and  L,  dancing  and  singing,  SuKB:? 

Snowbali.  c. 

Chorus, — Bounding  like  de  gay  grasshopper, 

Up  and  down  behold  us  bounce ; 

Shout  and  sing,  for  Summer’s  coming, 

Gib  us  room  to  twirl  and  flounce  1 * 

{Dance  changes  to  a quick  walk-around^  and  aiS  exit  r* 

and  L.s.E. 


Note. — As  each  character  up  stage  after  dancing ^the 

others,,  who  are  already  there,  loill  congratulate  him,,  (in 
dumb  show)^  and  criticise  the  next  davr-  r.  This  sketch  to  be 
sffccti/vey  requires  to  be  worked  up  an  quickly  as  possible^ 


t)*  Ai/ 

»ia  fx/iBHUMm. 

)i|  Mnlclt,  Tl^. 

10,  Tlio 

Si4  Unk  Vnikkee. 

'lf^  a Bat-HiKun. 

in  M Millions  hi  IL 
*I  ih-  “ ” Wavnf. 

1 lltiloi  tj  JVlurriatjH. 

'ti-ffco  (irocors,  The. 

*1  ikV..,  . 


iru  ••  Temi)latu»HH. 

at  Ijarae, 


» m :rarv  LL*gac>\  T 
rwithuL  fi  l<  atlier. 
K'w-fU  Purniultort. 
0.  Tootln,  Toil. 


•la  Jsf  k. 
ifHi  lyaci  MaoJ^ 

Y r .i5ut  M<u«i'Lfcl«K 
Yn-I'^KO  i*wk,  'rrifci 
Vililur'' 

tiiiol  tUi.ah. 

v.lrlui  ♦aii'riO*!'?- 

mi-  ^ • ■ 

Wa»  Ori  '^iH,  Ih*. 

,Wbq  X Ih^Hl  . 

I*  W In^ta  iJt«  } 

^ hv  I>UJ" 


r4% 


Wild  ITJo  .tfn.. 
i C’l,).  T.io. 


*0  li*!  -L  i.ii  la  Umbrella. 
1 «!,  dy  fruusinpfrifled, 

T^i'n  ,^roth('r»,  The. 

utle  ^Qcy  Mirart’r. 


Wnio 

Woman  oHii^  WorW^  The. 
Woman  wllT  bo  a Worhaia^A. , . 
Women’*  (Jlu^ 

Wbmi-'N  liic' 

Wreck,. The, 


I T^nkee  Pctidlor, 


ETH  OPfilN  DIlAMAv 


iiiinker.  ' 

_ ^ tiie. 

iek  :4  k BhfBe. 
luash. 
juia  Cdx. 

y,  burl^ue. 
t^inilense  Dance. 
Juhib^n.  * 

Huat.  Da. 
iy  in  uo  Hollow* 
pers.  The. 
riK»n  Twins. 

Akm  ob  Tenors,  X>6. 
eole  Tall,  Th*. 

'HQiiig  Mad.  ?! 

ri^’s  Dream,  De.  ^ 

' ""  t^edian^De.  J 

lid  Coon.  : 

Ir.  Fadl^ 


Gdi 

Gho 

Hao 


de-Haiden,  De.- 

r<?a*ller’d'Bnrid6r 
^ and  de,Big^  Bassoon, 
■a;  on  Ice,  An 
nil  '(#  the  Union. 

of  one  Squash,  The. 
etl  louse,  The. 


PRICE,  15/CENt^  EACH 
Jftcd ; Pnid . Xo?  Old 

Howls  ^ m the  Owl  T^aM. 
Hhni’sv'fddiqg  Day, 

Hj  au  JrtSiUnac,  The.' ' ■ ' 

Jo  Ijr  .lli.ters.  ’ 

Jube  HaWkins. 
uliBWi^’Jhhnsdn. 

'-'4W  Jerables. 

la’s  Wedding.  • 

, Pehii)  , The. 

¥ of  de  Hunkpuncas,  De. 
-a^iu  a Fix,  A,  , 

-i^ious  Nigger V 

£^s  of  Caesar  Cnmi> 

^ Jum.  . 

tpiious  Stranger. 

' ^Year's, Calls.  : 
lit  Wid  Brudder  jTone*,  A. 
.Ifbbody’sSon.  . ; , 

' No  Cure,  No  Pay 
Octoroon,  De. 

"Olvv  Hush!  * 

Oi«Dad^  Cabin.'  :*  ^ 
OM  GunrGame,  De. 
OAHunks.  ,vM  .. 

Did  Kentucky  Home*  DO- 
• 01«  Uncle' Billy.  ' 

Old  Zip  Cfcoh.  ■ ' • 

Pete  and  Ephraim. 

^ ■ 


.1' 


!■. 

Pete's  Luck; 

Popsy  Dean. 

Porgy  Jqei- 
Possum  Fat. 

Quack  Doctor;  The.  . ^ . 

Quarr^sdrtieBervaiij^  , 

Rival  Lovers.  • ^ ^ 

Rival  Mokes-'  'i<. 

Robert  IVIeKe-Airsi  j 

R6om^  ..To  Let,  Without 

•Boatd'::  v ? 

Rose  Dale.*’'  ' " ' ’ 

Sambo’s-Re^n.  “ ^ 

Sqpnes  al  Guj^nej^jf  ; - 

Scipio  Afrt^us.'  - . 

Dodt&t;'  The;.-  3^=^? 
■Sixtefe  ■! 

, Agoi^f- 

Sports  on  a Lark.  , - a. 

Stago-Strucl5T)arky,  The. 
Thiev’es  nt  the'  IVIill.  ^ 
Threei Black-Smith*,  The.  V 
Tlcket-TaHer.  -The.  j.  . . I . 
-Trail  ob  Bloodi  De."  _1 

Trouble  -Begins  afNihevDo. 
Treubleson)e^erY!i  pt. 
Turfceyalh  ^asoh. 
UliicteJed. 

Uncle  Tom - 
Under  de  Kecros,enc. 

Up  Head.  3? 
MniamTeB.  - 


'•'•j'r  tCE  A.  jC  T fear  R,’  S ' E A.  S 

^ |)i,  Qr,  th©  Art  of  “ |Wakir»§  Up, 


tf 


An 


.-.^ractiicl  Guide  to  b^Ihner^^in  the  art.  of 

face  Correctly,  embracing  Wj  ^e  phases  of  liw  anli 

r froi  Ihe  Ambitioifer  Toutli  to  D^i‘^pld"01d  v « ' 

^ Wll'ft  SIOTEE^f  ll^^ 

^ ado^  wilt  y tiint  hf  prict. 


'■i; 


m. 


r .fiUipE  TO 


a’ plain  directions  foi^Arranging,  Decorating,  and 
S|agQ»4*ait4i«gtti^  ‘'  Making- up the  €ace  and  head,,pre^i! 

'Oosinmes^poi^iang,  Kehear^^^  and  Ferfohning  all  kinds  of  Plays. 

tsadfiedTOiiw^^^  ■ ' ' • ■':  '•.  ,s  ■•  ■ . 

and  Tableau® 

\y  9eR,lYA'fE  PERT'GRMA^CE.  ‘ 


■r.?- 


25  Oen'^^  ' 


A HlS^TOky'/QF,  tJh^  STA^k.MRibN^  Ye^vrs. 

iClifonblogy  of  the  Amen^  an  St^ 


rofit  1752  to  x85ji« 

P-  WiEM-y  SS.: 

, tChjs  work  gives  a list  ^of  all  the  .^toys  and  Actresses  who  have  appe 
upon  the  American  Stage ‘dprihg  the  above  period^  the  date  and  place  of  birfeli.*^^ : 
when  and  where- they  ^mude' their  hrst  appearatic^  aiiid  in  what  character,  ana  " * 
datp  add  place  of  death  df  all  who  ar^  deceased.  To  which  is  added  a list  of  All 
tile  Ihcatres  built  iii'Atiierica'  a list,  of  all  Theatres  destroyed  by  Are,  and  the 
date  of  thpir  be^g  hujyjddi  and  a list  of  the  Managers.  f : 

A cc^i:  .(5f  the  n^st  pl»y  jBiU  issued  in  America,  a copy  of  th*-  first  Play  Bill 
Issued  in  KewAork  Oity. 

A list  of  the  first  Theatrical  Company  that  appcHf^vl  ; Aiovrlcu.  ami  d lietf , 
of  theArsfc  Cofupacy-that  appeared  in  New  York.  f! 

A ebpy  bf  the  HiD  of  the  Centennaiy  Festival,  of  the  introduction  iOif*tlier  ’ 
Drama  ipto  America, ,apd  other  valuable  and  interesting  information.  ■ ; 

Eu:?±00-  - - - - - - 50  Ooin-tis.  "1] 

7 SHAlCCSP^prE  PROVERBSi  ~ ^ 

*3?32lo  “Wxs^  Sa-^o^s  of  oixac*  “WAsosti  Eo©i|f 

>;  .'(Collected  into  a modern  instance,  beiilg  nearly  lOOOi  of  the  wisest  and  wittiest 
df:ShakeiSpeaT.C’ 8 sayings,  gathered  into  a neat  volupae,  suitable  for  th®  pocket, 
By.MAulr  CgwnnN  Ch^  author  of ‘VConcdrdance Ho  Shakespeare*’’.  I2nid, 
paperg?  Pi^ce ‘^6-’ Cent^,. 

' ' fPT :'  I-iittle  Feople 

' A series  of  F^svpiiteATales  of  Childhood,  drkauged  in  a dramatic  form  ft 
/^ome  Performance, 'SjCbpol  JBxhibi'tiOti§i,  etc,;  i^ith,  full ‘^directions  Jis  r^gari 
^anagei4hht!6f  c6stWmes,  ' scenery,  etc.,  ih  any  parlor,  at  very  little  trouMn  a: 

expense^  Price,, ^ Ceiite.  j,  r"  : 


3F  p 3^  JTJ 

A NEW  AND  EKLAIRGED  EDITION. 


.-r-: 


This  is  the' ihi^t  CBDipletsj  visrtrk 'on'diefadyeiituree  ef  'lfeiJiiioci!  ever 


lished.  ,iBpsid^s  lii^41istory,  it,  contains  an  account  of,  his  anpeafance 
^ntry  iwo  hundred- yeats  agdV'PetClls'^wHb  l^ild  h;phnciiandAudj^^mpy’'  * 
J®}wHo.S.;Cl^ct  and  Maitage^thp'P&ppets\  Use.,thC^^heak^^ 

I instructions, AdAs  to  chableAnY  persbu  c^riy bn  Auccei^l^UyHmA 
i entj^titiVTting  Bho%,withJmi.morbus^DftegueB  audlllhi^fra't%}),^; 


is  udd^d  a Diajogn^fut  a y^ti^of.Ventril^niar Fibres  Price 


